News Roundup

From the Crime Blotter:

Police in Pennsylvania say they may have inadvertently burned $8000 in cash that was seized in an arrest. When a judge ordered them to return the money, they somehow were unable to find it.  Something tells me Christmas parties in 2009 and 2010 kicked ass!

A substitute teacher in Georgia was arrested after he allegedly went to the back of his classroom and urinated into a garbage can while class was in session.  Maybe he'd lost the hall pass?

In Nebraska, three people were arrested on suspicion of stealing used cooking grease from restaurants.  My gut tells me that some of the grease came from a Dunkin' Donuts, and the police just had to follow their noses.  And I guess it's hard to make a clean getaway when you're stealing old used grease.

In other news:

There's a bear in Washington State that needs to turn his guy card in.  Apparently he was chased up a tree by a teacup poodle.  Now, little dogs can be mean as snakes, and they don't know they're little.  But being treed by an appetizer would be embarrassing.  And the dog is named "Shmoopy".  If that's a male dog, don't be surprised if it hangs itself one day.

A recent study of Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) shows that it doesn't exist.  I don't know how, but I knew that was what they were going to say.

Scientists believe that there may be as many as 400 billion homeless planets in the galaxy.  These are planets that for one reason or another were ejected from the star system that created them.  Something tells me that when humans start exploring interstellar space for real, the line "That's no planet, that's a space station!" will be the proximate cause of more than a few beatings.