News Roundup

• From the "This one goes to 11" Department - A man in New York was arrested recently when police clocked him going over 150 miles an hour on the highway.  He is reported to have bragged that his motorcycle could go up to 190, which I'm sure every police officer loves to hear.  "You're busting me for this?  Heck, I can go a lot faster!"  Captain Turnpike didn't have a motorcycle license either, and is being held on bail.
• From the "Not Helping" Department - The head of Russia's armed forces has threatened to conduct pre-emptive strikes against NATO anti-missile sites in Eastern Europe.  His remarks were made during a conference on how to overcome friction over missile defense between Russia and NATO.  This is a good chance for President Obama to show a little spine.  If he were to come out in the next few days demanding that Russia clarify the general's remarks and either affirm or repudiate them, I'd give him credit.  But I'm not holding my breath.
• From the "Samurai Sword Savings" Department - A shoplifter in Washington escaped recently after he pulled a sword on a security guard.  Captain Kirosawa left his ill-gotten goods behind when he ran away.  This is one of the reasons I'm OK with security guards carrying a gun. In this case it would have been wakizashi meets Walther, and I'm pretty sure Walther wins.
• From the "Get An Intern" Department - A road in British Columbia was closed recently when a truck hauling sewage overturned and sprung a leak.  And you thought you had a bad day.  Somehow this puts having to sit on a conference call all afternoon into perspective. 

News Roundup

• From the "Don't you feel safer?" Department - A young man in California is suing the government. He alleges that he was arrested by the Drug Enforcement Agency, locked in a small cell, and left there with no food or water for several days, and that's not the worst part of the story.  If his assertions are true, I hope heads roll.  But thank goodness the government got such a dangerous person off the streets for a few days.  I mean, he could have gotten high and not bothered anyone that whole time.  Can we find a way to end the War on Adults, please?
• From the "This Will Not End Well" Department - Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky is foregoing the traditional meeting of the national championship Kentucky basketball team with President Obama this year.  He is instead coming to Louisville to attend functions related to the Kentucky Derby.  This may blow up in the good Senator's face.  Lots of people in Kentucky enjoy the Derby, and people in Louisville lose their minds for a few weeks over it.  But basketball is one of the three main religions here in the Bluegrass, and some of the more rabid blue-wearing acolytes might not appreciate Senator McConnell skipping out on the White House event.  I guess he's not up for re-election this fall.
• From the "That's A Relief" Department - Scientists have announced findings that suggest the volcano under Yellowstone Park isn't quite as bad as we have been led to believe.  I welcome this news. It will give me an excuse to get rid of all those ash shovels, fireproof roof blankets, and extra sleds I've been keeping in the basement for use in the event that parts of Wyoming and Idaho start raining down from the sky.  Of course, I'll be keeping the extra-fine breathing masks and goggles, because they make me look oh so sexy.  Hey, I've got to have something to wear when I pick Girlie Bear up from school.
• From the "Playing Through" Department - An older gentleman in Florida has been arrested after crashing his golf cart into the group in front of him on the course and assaulting at least one of them with a club.  His complaint seemed to be that the group was drinking, taking their time playing, and driving their carts in a manner he didn't care for.  My friends who play golf tell me that those activities are called "having fun".  Someone needs to tell this vigilante in the rough that assault isn't exactly the way a gentleman complains, and that there will not be a golf course waiting for him when he gets to the big house.
• From the "BOFH" Department - A boy in Pennsylvania is in trouble after destroying $36,000 worth of Apple laptops by urinating on them.  Obviously, this young man has a future in IT.  I've often used the term "pissing into the cooling fan" to describe what someone has done to their computer. 

News Roundup

• From the "Hubris" Department - A rich man from Australia is contracting with a shipyard to re-create the Titanic.  He plans to follow the plans for the original ship but utilize more modern technology.  Here's hoping he tweaks the hull plating and lifeboats.  Anyone want to bet the Titanic II only sails in the tropics?
• From the "WTF?" Department - Two Pennsylvania teenage girls are in the hospital after they were struck by a car.  What makes this noteworthy is that the girls maintain that they fell asleep while sunbathing on the road before they got run over.  Not sure how much of that I believe, but stranger things have happened.  Here's hoping they recover fully and learn to sunbathe somewhere with a little less traffic.  People of Pennsylvania, please resist those who will have a knee jerk reaction to pass a new law making sunbathing on a public thoroughfare a crime.
• From the "Government Solutions In Action" Department - Efforts by the federal government to kill unwanted species have killed more than 50,000 non-targeted animals, including animals on the endangered species list.  There are also allegations of cover-ups to keep the public from knowing the extent of the problem.  Think about that:  If we as private citizens try to root out a pest, say feral hogs or coyotes, and instead we kill a rare animal or someones dog, we're going to jail.  I wonder how many members of the government will even get a stern look over this?
• From the "I need Oreos stat!" Department - A truck driver in Texas is recovering from injuries sustained in an accident with his milk truck.  Several thousand gallons of milk were spilled on the roadway, causing a need for a detour so that motorists did not skid out of control or hit one of what must have been hundreds of cats who showed up for free milk.  I wonder if the driver will be charged with a mooooving violation?

Rough Few Days in Kentucky

Not for me, although Irish Woman has been working me like a rented mule.  There has been a lot of shootings in the local news, and I thought I'd give y'all my dva kopeka.

• A Louisville man is in custody custody after shooting two other people in a car they were all travelling in.  Since the only picture the news has of one of the victims is a mug shot, for the moment, I'll notch this one up to possible criminal-on-criminal violence.  Only other possibility I can see is self-defense if the shooter was grabbed and stuffed in the car for some reason.  I use that off-ramp to go to Knob Creek.
• A Louisville police officer shot someone this weekend.  Not a lot of details on this yet, but the person who got shot survived and was arrested.  Irish Woman drives by the Cannon's Lane exit on I-64 every morning.
• A woman was hit by gunfire after two men started shooting at each other in the parking lot of a business.  The two shooters ran away and are being sought by police.  I chalk this one up to being in a bad neighborhood and not having a chance to duck.  There are no details on this, but it sounds like she was just struck by a stray bullet when two assholes started blazing away at each other.  I take this tone when describing the two guys with guns because if it's a legitimate shoot, one of them (the one defending his life) would more than likely have stuck around.  My gut tells me this was more criminal-on-criminal foolishness, and the lady just happened to be there.  No word on whether the men actually hit each other.  One of my hardware stores is across the street from there.
• A man in Guston, Kentucky, is dead after the son-in-law of his girlfriend shot him with a shotgun.  The man had decided that he wasn't going to let his girlfriend walk way from him after a domestic dispute, so he crashed his car into a mobile home and forced his way inside, where he met Mr. Buckshot.  Not going to celebrate this one, but I'm not exactly going to weep over it either.
• A 13 month old child is dead in Radcliff, Kentucky, after being shot in the head by a 3 year old sibling.  This one has me seeing red through a tunnel.  I know people who vehemently argue with me that it's quite all right to leave a loaded gun in drawers, on shelves, even under furniture when there are small children around and unsupervised.  Their reasoning seems to boil down to "I told them to leave it alone, and they know better than to do something I told them not to".  I need to print off the details of this one and just hand it out.  

So what do we have here?  One probable criminal-on-criminal shooting, an officer involved shooting, a self-defense shooting, a lady who was in the line of fire unexpectedly, and a child dead because of stupidity.  In several of those cases, they happened at places that I or Irish Woman frequently pass through.  One hits close to home because I have kids, I have guns, and I try to be responsible with both of them.  The self-defense reminds me that I can have the safest, most stable home in the world, but I'm only a couple of levels of separation away from other people who might come to us for help and have someone who views other people as objects follow them.

All of these situations happened unexpectedly.  I'm sure that the young soldier from Fort Knox didn't think he would be shooting someone this weekend, and I'm absolutely certain that the parents of that child didn't put the gun out in hopes that the three year old would find it.  The person who called 911 about the dead people in the car most likely was just trying to get through their day, same as I do when I drive by that intersection.  The woman who got shot just minding her business in the parking lot of a store didn't expect to be rushed to the emergency room this afternoon.

Life throws things at us, and while we can't be on high alert all the time, there are some things we should keep in mind:

• No matter how high you put it, no matter how well you hide it, they will climb and they will uncover it.  A child will figure out how to work the trigger on a double action pistol.  A child will figure out how to work the slide on a shotgun.  A child will figure out how to work the selector switch on a rifle.  They are curious, they are geniuses when it comes to mechanical items, and a child that young CANNOT BE TAUGHT TO NOT TOUCH SOMETHING EVERY TIME, ALL THE TIME. I very much support and practice the keeping of firearms for self-defense, but leaving a loaded gun out where a young child can get to it unsupervised is irresponsible and stupid.  Get an easy-for-an-adult gun safe and keep your children out of the ER, morgue, and Michael Bloomberg's radar. 
• Be aware of your surroundings as much as you can.  Like I mentioned, we go to several of the areas where these shootings happened.  Louisville is a relatively peaceful city for its size, and we still had all of these shootings in different areas this weekend.  Keep your head, and watch what's going on around you.  Remember, there is no such place as a place where bad things don't happen.  Assholes have cars now, and some of them come from 'nice' neighborhoods.
• Know when to take yourself up a notch.  If a family member is coming to your home for shelter from an abusive relationship, take the time to arm yourself and be watchful before they show up to continue whatever it was that caused their partner to run.  And no matter where you are going, if it is legal to do so, carry your gun and know how and when to use it.

I'll end by saying that this set of shootings is an anomaly in this area.  Like I said, Louisville isn't that bad crime and violence wise, especially when compared to other cities in the South and Mid-West.  It just goes to show that bad things can happen anywhere. We owe it to ourselves and our families to use our heads and be prepared for the curve balls that are always being thrown.

Update - Edited to update the link on the officer involved shooting.  Looks like the guy not only got shot, but also got introduced to a land shark.  Oh, and BTW, not only was he shot along the route that Irish Woman usually takes to work, he robbed one of the gas stations I use.  Either I go a lot of places in Louisville and happen to go a lot of places where these people got shot, or I'm a jinx.

News Roundup

• From the "Mama's Little Snowflake" Department - A family in California is suing their school district after their son was kicked out of an honors class for cheating.  The young man admits to copying the homework of another student, and the parents and student signed a form stating they understood what it would take to get bounced from the program.  But the parents are pointing at a conflicting policy and suing to get their kid re-instated.  Apparently he can't go anywhere in his life and will end up living in a van down by the river if he isn't in the super-dooper high speed, low drag English program.  I guess you can tell where my sympathies lie.  Don't want to get kicked out of a highly selective, competitive educational program?  Then don't cheat.
• From the "All That Is Old" Department - A rancher in California is reporting that using shepherding dogs to watch over their flock has cut down on predator attacks.  Those of you who pay attention to human history should not be shocked by this.  Who would have thought that putting a dog that's been bred for a few thousand generations to protect sheep would be successful in keeping mountain lions and coyotes off the herd?  Pretty soon we should be hearing that having a few cats around the house is a better way to control mice and rats than poison and traps, and thousands will faint over their morning coffee at the shock.
• From the "Cyber-Dumbass" Department - A Kentucky man is under arrest after allegedly ordering a pound of marijuana from someone he met while playing video games on-line.  He is accused of paying $2300 for the weed, and was caught when it was sent to an incorrect address.  He then admitted to the crime, and his intent to sell the contraband to pay bills.  Folks, this is so full of fail I don't know where to begin.  First and foremost, he used the mail to smuggle drugs.  Second, he either did it with someone dumb enough to not triple check the address before mailing it, or he was dumb enough to admit that the package was his when it was delivered and the mailman asked specifically if he was the person to whom the package was addressed.  Finally, he opened his mouth and admitted everything.  Of course, he bought pot from somebody he met on XBox Live, so we're not exactly talking about a criminal mastermind here.
• From the "No Kidding" Department - A study shows that 30% of civilian-employed U.S. adults get less than 6 hours of sleep a night.  For those of you with small babies, I know you dream about getting six sequential hours of sleep.  I normally average between five and six, but that's why the good Lord gave us coffee.  It would be interesting to see what the percentage of the participants take sleep aids, and how many of those are in the 30% that don't sleep much.

News Roundup

• From the "Crossing Palms and Taking Names" Department - Walmart seems to be in a bit of hot water after being accused of paying millions of dollars in bribes to officials in Mexico.  Apparently you can't build large stores and offer cheap consumer goods in the third world without having to wet someones beak.  The Obama administration has stepped up enforcement that restricts U.S. companies from taking part in foreign corruption.  To me, this raises the question of how can one do business in countries where the wheels of bureaucracy and law enforcement are greased with liberal doses of bribery?  We want U.S. industry to compete on international markets, but have the vapors if a few dollars are given to encourage the local potentate to do the job he was 'elected' to do in the first place.  Something tells me the Chinese don't have any such qualms.
•  From the "Second Verse, Same as the First" Department - The North Korean military is threatening grave consequences for South Korea.  This is probably connected to the failed launch of a 'peaceful scientific rocket' by the North, which appears to me and everyone else in the world who noticed to be more along the lines of "they tried to launch an ICBM, but it blew itself up in mid-air".  The North is also expected to conduct another atomic weapons test soon.  The North has quickly become the guy who gets drunk at the party and threatens to beat the crap out of the school boxing champion just to show he's no wuss.  Maybe if we could get Japan to friend them on Facebook, they'd settle down and finish that circling of the drain they've been on since 1949.
• From the "Free Range Dumbasses" Department - Two men in Utah have been arrested for setting booby traps along a popular walking trail.  When I first saw the headline, I thought these two had set up some sort of IED, but it turns out it was sharpened sticks and tripwires.  While these can be deadly, I fail to see the point of what these two numbskulls were doing.  Someone ought to tell them that "Pitfall" was just a video game, not a computer training simulation.  Maybe they were watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" while stoned and thought it would be a good idea to create some of the traps Indiana Jones found in the Mayan temple.
• From the "Friendly Skies" Department - Fox News has posted a list of things that most people didn't realize they can take on a commercial flight, either as checked baggage or carry-on.  The list includes sporting equipment, service animals, and firearms.  Of course, the list doesn't include "dignity", since the TSA has been taking that away from travellers for over a decade.
• From the "Goaaaaaaalllllllll!" Department - A soccer ball lost during the Japanese earthquake and tsunami last year has washed up in Alaska, and is on its way back to its owner.   A man in Anchorage found the ball, along with a volleyball, while walking on the beach.  It is believed to be the first of many finds as the field of debris from the tsunami reaches North America.  Hopefully more mementos can be returned to survivors of the disaster in the coming months.  

News Roundup

• From the "Classy" Department - A Secret Service agent in the middle of the kerfluffle over the use of prostitutes by members of the President's security detail reportedly 'checked out' Sarah Palin while protecting her.   He has posted about giving Mrs. Palin the once-over during the 2008 presidential campaign.  Now, I'm a heterosexual male, so I can sympathize with him for taking in an eyeful of a mature, attractive woman, even if he did it on the job.  But you don't go up on Facebook and brag about it.  Apparently discretion isn't taught at the Secret Service.  
• From the "Dumbass" Department - A teacher in Virginia is in hot water after lining up his class and then firing blanks at them.  Someone needs to take Mr. Braincramp out and teach him that a gun is a tool for protection, not something to punish students or get their attention.  For those of you who say "It was just blanks!", I have four words for you:  Brandon Lee and Jon-Erik Hexum.  Gun owners will not be judged on the merits of those who are responsible and safe, we will be judged on the merits of our dumbasses.
• From the "What's in a Name?" Department - The state of Alabama has denied access to its alcohol markets to a brand of beer called "Dirty Bastard".  The justification for the denial was the use of the term "Bastard" on the label, which has been known to cause the heads of six year olds to explode and make little old ladies spontaneously burst into flames.  I suggest that the company that makes the beer rebrand it for Alabama with a title of "Narrow-minded Fascist" and see how that flies.
• From the "Coffee Buzz" Department - Starbucks has responded to consumer outcry over the use of a red dye made from beetles and will be re-formulating its pink drinks and food this summer.  The original complaint was that the products would violate the vegan lifestyle, but it quickly spread because someone started yelling "Soylent Pink is bugs!" on Twitter or something.  I don't have a problem with the use of insects.  It's just protein.  Someday I'll tell y'all how one of the best meals I ever had was based mainly on boiled ants, prickly pear, and Arby's sauce.  I'm still waiting to hear back from Starbucks on my suggestion to sweeten their coffee drinks with the tears of free-range hippies.
• From the "Mare Nostrum" Department - The Coast Guard has reported that it has sunk its 30th drug smuggling sub.  This particular submersible was scuttled by its crew off the coast of Honduras.  For the moment, let's drop the debate about the novelty of using submarines to smuggle drugs and the whole war on drugs.  My question:  When did the Coast Guard get authorization to operate what pretty much amount to combat interdiction patrols off the coast of another sovereign country that is located a couple thousand miles away from our most southern coast?  I know, better on the beaches of Honduras than on the beaches of Texas, but at some point I have to ask why we're enforcing our drug laws so far from home.  And what happens when the drug runners start buying cheap torpedoes for the Uboats?

News Roundup

• From the "Oopsie!" Department - The University of Alabama is replacing a trophy for the 2011 BCS football championship after it was smashed.  A parent of a current player accidentally broke it when they got tangled up in the carpet that runs under the case for the trophy.  In related news, a freshman linebacker for the University of Alabama has gone into hiding and is seeking out surgeons to change his face, complexion, and possibly his gender.
• From the "Unpossible!" Department - Scientists are scratching their heads over new data that shows that some Asian glaciers are growing.  Their earlier projections predicted that the glaciers would have lost so much ice by now that they would only have been good for filling up a beer cooler or two.  According to the linked article, they are blaming Global Warming for the increased iceflows, which makes sense when you consider that I blamed global warming this morning when I burned the toast.
• From the "All Workout Equipment is Always Loaded" Department - A man in California is recovering after being shot in the shoulder by a .22 bullet.  While someone getting shot is only mildly newsworthy, the method by which he received his wound is interesting:  He claims he dropped a dumbbell on a .22 rimfire, causing it to go off and hit him.  See, I told you working out was bad for your health.
• From the "One Stop Shop" Department - A man in Maryland is under arrest after police discovered that he was selling marijuana out of his ice cream truck.  Personally, I think he ought to be given a medal for his business acumen.  The only way I could see this improved is if he also sold Doritos, snack cakes, and pizza along with vanilla fudge ripple and Grape Ape Ganja.
•  From the "I Hope She Was Worth It" Department - Secret Service agents and members of the U.S. armed forces are in hot water after a prostitution scandal broke out in Colombia just prior to President Obama flying in for a summit.  It appears that the agents may have frequented a house of ill repute and made business deals with the ladies working there.  A dispute broke out with the management of the mason du chat, which brought in the police and the international press.  It is reported that the agents may have bragged about their connection to the president while trying to impress their 'dates', which will show you how stupid men can be sometimes when they mix alcohol and testosterone.  Several of the people involved have lost their security clearance over the episode, which is secret squirrel code for "You really ought to start working on your resume", and Congressional investigations are not far off.  Like my first sergeant used to say before we were sent off on one task or another:  "It's better to have blue balls than to have them cut off because you got caught waving them around on mission."  These guys are going to have their careers ruined because of a couple hours of hubris and stupidity.
• From the "Pathetic" Department - Bill Maher, former semi-funny comedian, current political hack, and future assistant janitor at the Cape Girardeau, Kentucky, Department of Outhouses and Septic Systems, has pulled out his 'wit' and gotten involved in the kerfluffle over whether or not Ann Romney worked while raising five children as a stay at home mother.  While the reporter who originally stepped on her schwanz by saying that Mrs. Romney has never worked has backed down and admitted that staying at home with five kids and not putting your head in the oven is a difficult job, Maher has decided to agitate the excrement with a Cuisinart  in order to drum up a little publicity.  Quoth the clown:  "...there is a big difference between being a mother, and that tough job, and getting your ass out the door at 7 a.m. when it's cold, having to deal with the boss, being in a workplace, or even if you're unhappy you can't show it for eight hours."  Hopefully the horde of men and women who choose to stay at home and keep their families going doesn't find Mr. Maher before he has a chance to escape the country and find a position as the guy in charge of the ship dip at the nastiest New Zealand sheep ranch that can be found.  No response has been given to inquiries as to which part of the American population Mr. Maher will insult next, although 'wheelchair bound survivors of domestic abuse' is the most popular choice being bounced around by his writing staff at the moment.

How Dare He?

A TSA screener in New York is looking for a new job after flinging a cup of hot coffee at an airline pilot who asked her to ease off on the cussing.

A TSA screener was arrested at JFK Airport for hurling a cup of hot coffee at an American Airlines pilot who told her and some colleagues to tone down a profanity-laced conversation in a terminal, sources said yesterday.

Normally, I'd say the pilot should have minded his own business and chalked this one up to someone acting like trash in public, but in this case I'll make an exception.

You see, the TSA wants arrest powers, meaning they want to be police*.  To me that means they should be held to a higher standard in conduct than I would hold most other government employees.  You want the ability to use the force of government to make me comply with the law?  Well then, you get to act like a professional when you're wearing the uniform I bought for you.  If you can't handle that, why should we trust you with the power to deprive citizens of their liberty when they refuse to take part in your 'security' Kabuki theater?

Yeah, the pilot could have walked away and let trash be trash, but if you can't handle being told to tone it down in public, then take off the uniform and go back to picking up cigarette butts in the medians.

P.S.  Borepatch has a couple of words to say about airport 'security' too.

*Call it what you will, but if you want the authority to arrest someone, you're asking to be a cop, with all of the powers and responsibility thereof.  To me, that means that you have the power stop someone from doing something that's illegal, even to the point of using lethal force to enforce the will of the law.  The responsibilities that come with that power is to be trained properly, to act like a professional, and to be impartial in your dealings with the public.  Don't want those responsibilities to go with the power to put on the flex cuffs?  Tough toenails.  If you can't do the things we expect of you, you shouldn't be wearing a badge and uniform, much less a gun and cuffs.  Willing to take those responsibilities and act like a professional?  Then we can start talking about whether or not your job requires you to have the power to detain citizens, but not until then.

Homework Assignment

A judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals assigned a three page, single spaced paper on whether or not the Obama administration believes that courts have the authority to review laws and declare laws unconstitutional if necessary to a lawyer that is arguing a case before him.  The Justice Department has 48 hours to respond.

Recently, President Obama made a speech in which he 'encouraged' the Supreme Court to find his signature healthcare law constitutional.  He cautioned the Court that as 'unelected' judges, they shouldn't undo what Congress had done.  Apparently during his time as a Constitutional Law scholar, Mr. Obama never read about Marbury v Madison.

Judicial review of law and how it is applied is exactly the reason we have higher courts.  Local courts are perfectly capable of finding out matters of guilt, innocence, and liability.  The higher courts are there to answer questions about whether or not something that the government is doing violates the limits placed on it by the Constitution.

Finding a law to be unconstitutional is not judicial activism, especially when that law is unprecedented in its granting of new powers to the government.  President Obama knows better, and is playing to the crowd and trying to cow the judiciary in the vein of President Roosevelt.  Something tells me that Justice Kennedy isn't going to fold in 2012 like Justice Roberts did in 1937.

For his sake, I hope the Justice Department flunky assigned to write up this report does a good job. I've heard that judges are tough graders, and this one sounds pissed.

News Roundup

• From the "Beef in Rice" Department - A group of men in New Mexico have been arrested after they were stopped for a traffic violation.  Officers found that in addition to three men, their Honda contained a Holstein calf, which the men did not own.  No explanation for the presence of the young cow was given, although a good explanation could be that the men were tired of giving away dyed chicks for Easter.  Of course, this was Deming, New Mexico, and if you've ever been to Deming, you'd understand why this might just be a normal Saturday night.  Ladies, I expect full credit for not going down the "heifer in the back seat" joke road.
•  From the "How Convenient" Department - An Islamic cleric, who has been branded a terrorist by the United States, drove onto the grounds of the United States embassy in Yemen. The nice sheik was trying to evade Yemeni agents who were trying to arrest him, so I guess we'll give Yemen an assist for this one.  In hunting, we call what they were doing "driving the quarry".  One thought though:  Either we knew who was coming and opened the gate for him, or someone in the embassy has a lot of explaining to do when someone on the terrorist list can get onto embassy grounds alive.
• From the "Your Tax Dollars At Work" Department - Several people, including the director of the Government Services Agency, are out of a job, with probably more to follow. The cause of their unemployment appears to be a conference for GSA employees held in Las Vegas in 2010.  News reports suggest that $835,000 was spent to put on a conference attended by 300 government employees, which comes to about $2800 per employee.  Highlights of the conference included a mind reader and a rather expensive set of custom made coins commemorating PorkFest 2010.  You know, you give me almost $3000 to go to Vegas for four days, and I'll do the mind reading part for you.  "I see from your mind that you are a wasteful dumbass and will be unemployed in a couple of years."
• From the "Sausage Factory" Department - Four people in Indiana have been indicted for forging registration petitions used during the 2008 Democrat Party primaries.  They are alleged to have forged signatures on petitions to get candidates Obama, Clinton, and Edwards on the ballot.  Shocked! Yes, shocked I am that there is skullduggery in partisan politics!  I'm just surprised that they didn't just turn in a photocopy of the list of people who've died in the last five years in the district.  Then again, it wasn't Illinois.
• From the "Friends in High Places" Department - Onyango Obama, uncle of President Barack Obama, has been given back his license to drive in order to get to work.  He was arrested in Massachusetts after his car almost got into an accident with a police car and he blew a .014 on a Breathalyzer.  He has also been given one year to keep his nose clean before the judge can dismiss all charges against him.  Reports are that he has entered into an alcohol treatment program, and is trying to keep his job managing a liquor store.  Wait a minute.... A guy, who just happens to be a blood relative of the president, gets one year to try and stay out of trouble after driving with almost twice the legal blood alcohol limit, is allowed to drive back and forth to work, is in an addiction program for alcohol, and is managing a liquor store.  Oh, and he might be in the country illegally.  Folks, if you'd written that for Hollywood, they'd have thrown you out of the office before you got through the script summary.  I've really got to get me some relatives in Washington, because apparently it's a get-out-of-jail-free card.  What does he have to do in order to actually be inconvenienced by the criminal justice system? 

News Roundup

• From the "Don't #!$@ With Old Men" Department - An 81 year old man in Michigan defended his wife and himself when they were threatened by a man with a butcher knife who wanted their car.  Rather than meekly give in and hope they weren't hurt, he grabbed the hand that held the knife and proceeded to make things difficult for the carjacker.  The miscreant eventually gave up and ran away.  Just goes to show, you may not always be armed, but you are never defenseless so long as you are conscious and refuse to stop fighting.  Also, be mindful of fighting with old people.  They're close to seeing Jesus anyway, so they've got nothing to lose.
• From the "Adults Behaving Badly" Department - Two people are under arrest in two separate incidents of disrupting flights in two days.  In one case, a member of the flight crew had to be locked out of the flight deck and subdued by passengers after running through the aircraft yelling about bombs.  In the other, a woman was restrained after physically attacking members of the crew. Say it with me people - Don't scare Americans at 35,000 feet. They don't care what it takes to get back to the ground safely anymore.
• From the "Backing Down" Department - The mayor of Medora, North Dakota, has withdrawn plans to build a gallows in his town.  His plan was to hold mock hangings of himself in the scenic old-West town.  I think not building it might be a mistake. Nothing tells people from out of town to mind their manners like a set of well maintained gallows in the town square.
• From the "Bad Idea" Department - Scientists have shown that it is possible to use a metal detector to find hidden money.  Modern bills have magnetic ink on them, which sets off the detector.  They postulate that it might be possible to use more powerful detectors to find people who are carrying large amounts of cash.  For those who prefer to carry cash rather than use cards all the time, this means that about 15 minutes after a law enforcement agency gets the technology, Sumdood and his friends will have one to find people on the street who might be interested in making a donation to the local youth group's doughnuts and fruit juice fund.

News Roundup

• From the "Headdesk" Department - Belvedere Vodka is in Damage Control Condition Whiskey Tango Foxtrot after it briefly put an ad on its social media accounts that showed a man trying to restrain a woman who appeared to be trying to flee him.  The tag line of “Unlike some people… Belvedere always goes down smoothly" isn't exactly helping either.  Yeah, nothing like advertising that highlights the use of alcohol to get women to do things they don't really want to do.  What's next?  An advertisement for sleep aids that shows a woman in her jammies while a leering man stands over her bed?  "Rohypnol, for when 'no' means 'wait a few minutes'!".
  
• From the "Snakezilla" Department - Grand Central Station in New York City is displaying a life-size mock up of a 45 foot long snake. The animal lived in the area some 60 million years ago.  Due to my personal aversion to snakes, I'd have to say that if I were to see a 50 foot constrictor in the wild, I'd be breaking some or all of the laws of physics to get back to a radio to call in a nuclear air strike on my position just so I knew the snake got it too.  Of course, a snake that big would keep some of my favorite holster makers in business for quite some time.
• From the "Stupid Question" Department - A Pakistani man is facing arrest after he threw acid on his wife during an argument about household expenses.  I've seen a lot of instances in the news over the years of men in the Muslim world throwing acid on women who have displeased them in some way, and I have to ask: where are they getting all this acid?  It's not like you can just go down to the souk and get a bottle of acid, is it?
• From the "Journey to the Deep" Department - Movie director and amateur submarine designer James Cameron just returned from a three hour long dive to the bottom of the Marianas Trench.  His journey was meant to explore...... Well he gathered information about...... His data will be used to help ...... Well, he did it, and that's what counts, isn't it?
• From the "Why we can't have nice things" Department - The city of Colorado Springs has called off its annual Easter egg hunt because of the way that some parents acted at the event last year.  Apparently the parents were pushing their children to maximize their haul of hen fruit, which left some kids out in the cold after the spring ritual.  Rather than enforce rules that keep adults out of the egg gathering area, the entire event was called off.  Just goes to show that it only takes a couple jerks to ruin it for everyone.  In related news, several parents who were out of line last year were found zip tied to street signs with "Dickhead" tattooed on their foreheads and old Easter eggs crammed up their nostrils.  Police promise to be expeditious about finding the culprits.

News Roundup

• From the "Quaffing for a Quid" Department - The government of Great Britain is proposing to set a minimum price for alcohol to discourage irresponsible drinking.  No longer will you be able to buy discounted drinks in the land of good beer and better whiskey.  When asked what they thought of the proposal, pub patrons in London said they couldn't comment because they were too pissed.
• From the "Mother of the Year" Department - A woman in Washington state was arrested recently when police found a needle full of heroin in her purse during a traffic stop.  The kicker is that the police took her child to the hospital when they noticed that the youngster was lethargic.  Turns out the kid was high on second hand smoke from the heroin the female genetic donor was smoking in the car with her child in the back seat.  You know, just when I thought I couldn't be shocked, I'm taught there is no depth to human stupidity.  That's a smorgasbord of moronitude there.  First, riding around with a needle full of heroin in your purse. Second, riding around with a guy with warrants.  Third, smoking heroin in the car with your child in the back seat.  It's a trifecta of stupid!  I hope for this kid's sake his mother never sees him again.
• From the "Rule Four" Department - A homeowner in Ohio got a bit of a surprise when a bullet came through the side of his house and landed in a bathroom sink.  It is believed that the bullet is a stray round from a shooting range that police were using that day which is about 1/2 mile away. Not exactly what I'd be expecting when I went to brush my teeth.  On the bright side, he now has a .40 sized hole in his wall for feeding cable.
• From the "Dead Man Walking" Department - A Saudi man announced to the world that he would be divorcing his wife over the PA system at a shopping mall.  No report yet on whether his body has  been found.

That's A Good Idea

I'm no fan of Bank of America.  I used to do my banking with them, but left for my current bank about a decade ago when they started introducing new fees and jacking up existing ones.  I've also heard some less than stellar things about how they deal with troubled mortgages lately.

 But after reading this, my opinion of BofA is a bit higher.

Basically, they're trying to see if it's effective to rent foreclosed homes to the people who used to own them.  The renter gets out from under a bad mortgage, avoids possible homelessness, and stays in their community.  The bank gets at least some money out of a property for which they would normally get nothing and have to pay to do normal maintenance on, such as lawn maintenance, and may be able to sell the property at a profit later.  The community gets to keep families in homes that are still kept up and not cleaned out by thieves.

I hope this works out.  It's best if people can afford to own the home they live in, but renting it is better than the alternative.

News Roundup

• From the "Reptiles Over Nuptials" Department - A woman in England has put off her wedding so that she can afford chemotherapy for her lizard.  You know, if I'd suggested putting off our wedding so that I could pay for chemo for my cat, we'd have still needed the chapel, but the priest would have needed another section of the Book of Common Prayer.  Irish Woman would still have thrown a party, but the invitations would have had "reception" crossed out with "wake" written in in jagged red permanent marker.
• From the "Criminal J. Mastermind" Department - A copper thief in North Carolina broke into a jail and stole copper out of an air conditioning unit.  Police are investigating.  Three things occur to me here.  First, you've either got to be really desperate or really reckless to break into a jail to steal.  Second, the guards at this particular jail must be having a really bad week right about now.  And third, if they catch this guy, he better hope he's not sent to this particular jail.  Would you want to be locked in a jail with guards you just embarrassed and criminals you just made sit in the heat with no air conditioning?
• From the "Steve McQueen is Weeping" Department - American car manufacturers have announced plans to rollout cars with three cylinder engines in the next couple of years.   They promise to give just as good a performance as the four cylinder hot rods we're driving now, with much better gas mileage.  Because we all know that these overpowered four cylinder death machines are killing baby rabbits and drinking high test gasoline by the barrel.  The term that comes to mind is "blood from a turnip".  One good thing about driving a minivan is that there is no way I will ever have one of these things under my hood.  Heck, I'd need two of them in order to get that behemoth of mine up to the speed where I can use cruise control.
• From the "Chutzpah" Department - The FBI is charging an official in Michigan with embezzlement.  It seems that the gentleman may have misappropriated almost a quarter of a million dollars and used government funds to acquire a Jaguar and a Mercedes.  My guess is no-one would have complained if he had bought a Ford or GM car. 

News Roundup

• From the "An Apology" Department - The government of Pakistan has demanded an unconditional apology from the United States before they will re-open the routes though their mountain paradise.  I'm game:  Dear Pakistan, I wholeheartedly apologize for the fact that my government did not provide more support to Great Britain in the late 1940's.  Had we done so, our British cousins might have been able to keep your third world craphole as a colony, and you all might have had adult leadership for the past 60 years or so, and then we wouldn't be having this little problem. Now release our supply convoys before we show you what happens when we intentionally drop ordnance on someone.
• From the "Internship Opportunity" Department - The government of Wales has decided to cancel a badger cull to stem the spread of disease in favor of inoculating the little darlings.  Any guesses on the difference in cost between the two plans?  Also, what lucky son of a gun gets to convince Mr. Badger to trade a needle stick for a GI Joe bandaid and a sugar free lollipop?
• From the "Bad Move" Department - A Texas woman is under arrest after stabbing a man during an argument.  Apparently, she decided she had cooked enough meals for him and started throwing things out into the yard during the ensuing argument.  The man then threatened to cut off her pony tail if she didn't stop, after which she cut the phone line and stabbed him in the hand.  Gentlemen, this guy made a lot of blunders here.  First of all, when she says she's tired of cooking, don't argue; put on an apron and get to work.  Second, when she starts throwing things into the yard, don't threaten to cut off her hair, go out and clean up the mess.  And last, when she grabs a knife and cuts the phone line, it's time to try for a new personal best in the "front door to car door" sprint.

News Roundup

• From the "No Justice" Department - Researchers are reporting that some women experience sexual arousal and possibly even orgasm while exercising.  This is so unfair.  When I'm working out, I feel pain, strain, sweat, and fatigue.  In other words, it's the absolute opposite of sexual for me.  I work out because it's good for me, not because it's enjoyable.  Of course, this might explain why the young lady who teaches the aerobics class at the Y is so perky and cheerful.
• From the "Mark of the Geek" Department - Nokia is patenting technology that would allow users of their phones to use a special magnetic tattoo to sense when their phones are ringing or when a new message arrives.  Of course, this would only be useful for as long as it takes for the next big thing to come along, so eventually it'll be a "Grandma, what's that on your wrist?" object, to go with the tattoo of a snake and a rose on the lower back.  I think I'll pass and stay with that tried and true technology known as "ringing" or "buzzing" and if those fail, I have a backup called "voicemail".  Seems to work OK without having to go under the needle.
•  From the "Mal Hombre" Department - A six year old girl here in Louisville was rescued the other night when her 10 year old brother ran back into a burning house to get her.  Both were burned, but are out of the hospital and doing OK.  The young girl was able to answer a few questions, but the boy seems to have been limited a simple statement.  Any further talk with him was interrupted by the sound of big brass objects ringing together when he walked.
• From the "No Soup For You!" Department - The city of New York has decreed that donated food can no longer be accepted at homeless shelters run by the city.  Their concern seems to be that the food fed to the less fortunate may not meet the stringent nutritional guidelines of the Bloomberg administration if it includes food that isn't provided by the city.  Donated food from religious groups or restaurants can't be assessed for salt, fiber, and fat content, so it is not to be given to those who cannot provide for themselves.  So I guess it's better for the poor to eat the food that's given to them by the government than that which is given by other citizens.
• From the "Alrighty Then!" Department - A man in Iowa was arrested recently.  At the time, he was naked and claimed that he had been forced to hold a nuclear bomb at his home.  People, alcohol is a gift from heaven, but let this be a warning about what can happen when you over-imbibe.  Sometimes all you get are embarrassing pictures of you in front of the porcelain altar, sometimes you end up with an arrest record with the words "public nudity" and "nuclear weapon" in it.

News Roundup

• From the "Ouch" Department - A woman in California recently gave birth to a healthy 13 pound baby boy.  Before you ladies cross your legs, it was a Caesarian.  Reports are that the lad didn't fit in any of his baby clothes, so mom and dad get to go out and go shopping immediately.  All I can say is "I feel your pain".  Boo wasn't that big at birth, but he passed up 13 pounds early and fast.  Is it just me, or are there a lot of reports of abnormally large newborns lately?
• From the "Cute and Cuddly" Department - An aging gorilla at the zoo in Erie, Pennsylvania, has latched onto the pet rabbit her keepers gave her to keep her company.  The gorilla is sharing space, food, and attention with the rabbit, which is a good sign.  I was surprised to learn that no-one named George or Lennie was involved in this story.
• From the "Thieves in the Night" Department - A group of men claiming to be police robbed a home in Arizona on Sunday.  They disabled the porch lighting of the home, banged on the door, shouted "Police!", and robbed the couple who lived there when they opened the door.  And people wonder why no-knock raids are such a bad idea.  If the criminals are forcing their way in shouting "Police!", how are we supposed to know it's legitimate when the police themselves do it?  Wait to see if they shoot the dog?
• From the "Knock in the Night" Department - The police chief of Berkeley, California, just kicked things up a notch in the  "Constitution?  Never hoid of it!" debate.  He took umbrage at what someone wrote in the local fishwrap, so he called up a police sergeant and had him go over to the reporter's home for a little chat.  Nothing intimidating about that, is there?  I mean, it's not like he sent an armed government authority figure with the perceived power to kill someone in the name of officer safety to discuss the contents of a published newspaper article or anything.  Of course, once the sun came up and his actions were brought to light, he played the "Who me?  Oh gosh, I guess that was insensitive" card.  I guess Mr. Meehan needs to read up on his local history a bit.

Lamp Post, Rope - Some Assembly Acquired

A male homo sapien* from New Jersey was arrested in Henryville, Indiana, on Wednesday and is going to be charged with burglary.  The facts of the case seem to be that this primate, who isn't from the area and has no connection to Henryville, was cutting out the copper wiring from homes that were destroyed by the tornadoes that hit the area on Friday.  When neighbors confronted him and called the police, he ran off and and hid in the woods.  According to news reports, his excuse was that he was gathering up the copper so that it could be kept away from scavengers.

Please forgive me if I don't buy it.

I'm not advocating extra-judicial lynchings of looters, but I wouldn't shed a tear if someone who is looting is turned into the police in less than showroom condition.

I make a judgement call when it comes to people who take things from rubble.  If you're taking the necessities of life, such as food, medicine, water, or clothing, so that you or others can live, that's not looting to me.  Maybe it can be taken too far, and sometimes it can be outright thievery if you're taking things that you can tell belong to and are being used by others, but if you're going into the ruins to find a loaf of bread for your kids, I won't condemn you.

Looters on the other hand, I have no sympathy for.  Those who take advantage of bad situations to personally profit by stealing non-essentials like painkillers, recyclable metals, money, or high-dollar items should be given a quick trial and a quicker punishment.  Maybe we're beyond the use of lampposts and hemp to correct the issue, but I would see nothing wrong with someone who's been caught stealing copper from the ruins of someone's home being chained with similar pieces of human garbage and forced to work off their debt to society clearing out the stuff the tornado left behind.

In the event that this scum is found guilty, I hope he's sent to the worst prison that Indiana has for as long as the law provides.  In the meantime, I hope that the fact that the people of Indiana and Kentucky won't stand for this nonsense gets through to others who might have the same idea.

*I refuse to call this bad example of our shared gene pool a man.