News Roundup

• From the "An Apology" Department - The government of Pakistan has demanded an unconditional apology from the United States before they will re-open the routes though their mountain paradise.  I'm game:  Dear Pakistan, I wholeheartedly apologize for the fact that my government did not provide more support to Great Britain in the late 1940's.  Had we done so, our British cousins might have been able to keep your third world craphole as a colony, and you all might have had adult leadership for the past 60 years or so, and then we wouldn't be having this little problem. Now release our supply convoys before we show you what happens when we intentionally drop ordnance on someone.
• From the "Internship Opportunity" Department - The government of Wales has decided to cancel a badger cull to stem the spread of disease in favor of inoculating the little darlings.  Any guesses on the difference in cost between the two plans?  Also, what lucky son of a gun gets to convince Mr. Badger to trade a needle stick for a GI Joe bandaid and a sugar free lollipop?
• From the "Bad Move" Department - A Texas woman is under arrest after stabbing a man during an argument.  Apparently, she decided she had cooked enough meals for him and started throwing things out into the yard during the ensuing argument.  The man then threatened to cut off her pony tail if she didn't stop, after which she cut the phone line and stabbed him in the hand.  Gentlemen, this guy made a lot of blunders here.  First of all, when she says she's tired of cooking, don't argue; put on an apron and get to work.  Second, when she starts throwing things into the yard, don't threaten to cut off her hair, go out and clean up the mess.  And last, when she grabs a knife and cuts the phone line, it's time to try for a new personal best in the "front door to car door" sprint.