News Roundup

• From the "Headdesk" Department - Belvedere Vodka is in Damage Control Condition Whiskey Tango Foxtrot after it briefly put an ad on its social media accounts that showed a man trying to restrain a woman who appeared to be trying to flee him.  The tag line of “Unlike some people… Belvedere always goes down smoothly" isn't exactly helping either.  Yeah, nothing like advertising that highlights the use of alcohol to get women to do things they don't really want to do.  What's next?  An advertisement for sleep aids that shows a woman in her jammies while a leering man stands over her bed?  "Rohypnol, for when 'no' means 'wait a few minutes'!".
  
• From the "Snakezilla" Department - Grand Central Station in New York City is displaying a life-size mock up of a 45 foot long snake. The animal lived in the area some 60 million years ago.  Due to my personal aversion to snakes, I'd have to say that if I were to see a 50 foot constrictor in the wild, I'd be breaking some or all of the laws of physics to get back to a radio to call in a nuclear air strike on my position just so I knew the snake got it too.  Of course, a snake that big would keep some of my favorite holster makers in business for quite some time.
• From the "Stupid Question" Department - A Pakistani man is facing arrest after he threw acid on his wife during an argument about household expenses.  I've seen a lot of instances in the news over the years of men in the Muslim world throwing acid on women who have displeased them in some way, and I have to ask: where are they getting all this acid?  It's not like you can just go down to the souk and get a bottle of acid, is it?
• From the "Journey to the Deep" Department - Movie director and amateur submarine designer James Cameron just returned from a three hour long dive to the bottom of the Marianas Trench.  His journey was meant to explore...... Well he gathered information about...... His data will be used to help ...... Well, he did it, and that's what counts, isn't it?
• From the "Why we can't have nice things" Department - The city of Colorado Springs has called off its annual Easter egg hunt because of the way that some parents acted at the event last year.  Apparently the parents were pushing their children to maximize their haul of hen fruit, which left some kids out in the cold after the spring ritual.  Rather than enforce rules that keep adults out of the egg gathering area, the entire event was called off.  Just goes to show that it only takes a couple jerks to ruin it for everyone.  In related news, several parents who were out of line last year were found zip tied to street signs with "Dickhead" tattooed on their foreheads and old Easter eggs crammed up their nostrils.  Police promise to be expeditious about finding the culprits.