News Roundup

• From the "Don't #!$@ With Old Men" Department - An 81 year old man in Michigan defended his wife and himself when they were threatened by a man with a butcher knife who wanted their car.  Rather than meekly give in and hope they weren't hurt, he grabbed the hand that held the knife and proceeded to make things difficult for the carjacker.  The miscreant eventually gave up and ran away.  Just goes to show, you may not always be armed, but you are never defenseless so long as you are conscious and refuse to stop fighting.  Also, be mindful of fighting with old people.  They're close to seeing Jesus anyway, so they've got nothing to lose.
• From the "Adults Behaving Badly" Department - Two people are under arrest in two separate incidents of disrupting flights in two days.  In one case, a member of the flight crew had to be locked out of the flight deck and subdued by passengers after running through the aircraft yelling about bombs.  In the other, a woman was restrained after physically attacking members of the crew. Say it with me people - Don't scare Americans at 35,000 feet. They don't care what it takes to get back to the ground safely anymore.
• From the "Backing Down" Department - The mayor of Medora, North Dakota, has withdrawn plans to build a gallows in his town.  His plan was to hold mock hangings of himself in the scenic old-West town.  I think not building it might be a mistake. Nothing tells people from out of town to mind their manners like a set of well maintained gallows in the town square.
• From the "Bad Idea" Department - Scientists have shown that it is possible to use a metal detector to find hidden money.  Modern bills have magnetic ink on them, which sets off the detector.  They postulate that it might be possible to use more powerful detectors to find people who are carrying large amounts of cash.  For those who prefer to carry cash rather than use cards all the time, this means that about 15 minutes after a law enforcement agency gets the technology, Sumdood and his friends will have one to find people on the street who might be interested in making a donation to the local youth group's doughnuts and fruit juice fund.