News Roundup

• From the "No Justice" Department - Researchers are reporting that some women experience sexual arousal and possibly even orgasm while exercising.  This is so unfair.  When I'm working out, I feel pain, strain, sweat, and fatigue.  In other words, it's the absolute opposite of sexual for me.  I work out because it's good for me, not because it's enjoyable.  Of course, this might explain why the young lady who teaches the aerobics class at the Y is so perky and cheerful.
• From the "Mark of the Geek" Department - Nokia is patenting technology that would allow users of their phones to use a special magnetic tattoo to sense when their phones are ringing or when a new message arrives.  Of course, this would only be useful for as long as it takes for the next big thing to come along, so eventually it'll be a "Grandma, what's that on your wrist?" object, to go with the tattoo of a snake and a rose on the lower back.  I think I'll pass and stay with that tried and true technology known as "ringing" or "buzzing" and if those fail, I have a backup called "voicemail".  Seems to work OK without having to go under the needle.
•  From the "Mal Hombre" Department - A six year old girl here in Louisville was rescued the other night when her 10 year old brother ran back into a burning house to get her.  Both were burned, but are out of the hospital and doing OK.  The young girl was able to answer a few questions, but the boy seems to have been limited a simple statement.  Any further talk with him was interrupted by the sound of big brass objects ringing together when he walked.
• From the "No Soup For You!" Department - The city of New York has decreed that donated food can no longer be accepted at homeless shelters run by the city.  Their concern seems to be that the food fed to the less fortunate may not meet the stringent nutritional guidelines of the Bloomberg administration if it includes food that isn't provided by the city.  Donated food from religious groups or restaurants can't be assessed for salt, fiber, and fat content, so it is not to be given to those who cannot provide for themselves.  So I guess it's better for the poor to eat the food that's given to them by the government than that which is given by other citizens.
• From the "Alrighty Then!" Department - A man in Iowa was arrested recently.  At the time, he was naked and claimed that he had been forced to hold a nuclear bomb at his home.  People, alcohol is a gift from heaven, but let this be a warning about what can happen when you over-imbibe.  Sometimes all you get are embarrassing pictures of you in front of the porcelain altar, sometimes you end up with an arrest record with the words "public nudity" and "nuclear weapon" in it.