Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Dear PGA

I'd like to thank you for the following:

  • Holding your tournament at the private golf course down the road from me, which is situated in what was a rural area 20 years ago. Of course, now it's in a suburban setting, so there are more people to be inconvenienced, so you've got that working for you.
  • Not arranging for adequate traffic control on the main road that leads to my neighborhood.  Normally we don't need police officers or temporary traffic lights, but something tells me you ought to consider them.
  • The extra 15 minutes added to getting home this morning after working the night shift because every fool within 3000 miles was trying to find parking and get to the golf course.  At least this year I'm not finding BMW's and Audi's parked in my front yard like last time.
  • The flights of helicopters, either news or transport, that have been buzzing my neighborhood all day.  Nothing helps me sleep during the day like the sound of an air assault.
  • The cost of gas in our area is about 20% higher than it was a week ago, probably thanks to your event.  Say what you will about Louisville, they know how to squeeze a few extra dollars out of tourists. Of course that means those of us lucky enough to live here get squeezed too. Luckily, if I travel across town, I can get gas at actual market rates.  The gas stations over by where I work thank you.

Anyway, good luck with your little golf tournament. I'm personally going to be praying to the thunder gods for torrential rain and lightning for the next week or so.  Maybe we'll get really luck and have an early season hurricane or maybe even a very well targeted tornado. Nothing says 'easy putt' like 120mph rotating winds.

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