Thursday, June 16, 2011

Toy Idea

While chatting with some friends, I had the most awesome toy idea for Christmas:  a new line of action figures called "My Little Mall Ninja".

They could be a set of lifelike poseable dolls, in a variety of ages and sizes. They could come with a lot of accessories, like tricked out AR-15's, drop leg holsters, and lots and lots of knives.

There would include:

  • Porkins - The chubby guy who open carries an airsoft Beretta 92 in a drop leg holster and a katana over his shoulder, because that's how operators do it.
  • Sid - The skinny kid with bad skin who has three black belts from the strip mall karate school, but gets beaten up for his lunch money. He sports a flaming red buzz cut and an assisted-open lock blade he picked up at the last gun show.
  • Paul - The mall cop who carries two bottles of OC, because two is one and one is none, and a brand new Kimber 1911 with not one, but two laser sights on it for the same reason.  He's got two shotguns and an AR-15 in his trunk, which he proudly shows off to the rest of the crew when they come out to get the beer he bought for them.
  • Edwina - Every crew needs a lady. This little sprite sports a tight braid of blond and pink hair, a pierced lip, and at least 6 bladed instruments, both for throwing and cutting, at all times.  

All of these are, of course, dressed in OD green, coyote brown, and black.  They sport tactical backpacks for their netbooks, and wear the latest in high tech footwear. For leisure, they could all have tee shirts that have "Death Before Dishonor" or "We Guard Malls" on them.  Of course, they'd still wear their tactical pants, because you just never know.

For accessories, we could have vehicles (mom's old station wagon with add-on fins and loud muffler, tactical used Toyota pickup, and of course, the assault SmartCar), the Galleria Mall playset, and a set of throat mike/ear dick cell phone accessories for communication with your team members at the food court.  And the weapons!  We could have entire lines of doo-dads to strap onto their AR-15's alone!

I ought to call my buddy who works for Mattel.  We could hook up with a factory in China and have these little babies on store shelves by Thanksgiving.


Julie said...

an idea made of WIN

Weer'd Beard said...

Add on "Tank" A lanky kid with poor muscle tone and a mullet who has knock-off oakley shades, a riot helmet over a cheap kevlar face mask, cheap kevlar long gloves, knock-off "Body Armor" which may or may-not have any bullet resistance at all. 5.11 Tactical pants, and because he's saving his scratch a pair of black Rebok running shoes.

His belt has a flashlight, M9 Bayonet, collapsible baton two assisted openers and one real-deal ultra-cheap Chinese switchblade that he NEVER hesitates to tell people how illegal it is. He also has a hydration pack filled with grape Kool-aid.

Absent is any sort of a gun because his Mom won't let him get one.

Chris said...

Don't forget they need plate carriers but no actual plates for them, cuz, you know, jic.

Old NFO said...

You should... I'd bet they would sell, if nothing more than to gunnies :-)

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