Here are my ideas that these nutjobs could use to help with their re-branding:
- Change your outfits. White and tan man dresses are so 2001. I suggest teaming up with Hugo Boss to get some new duds. I'm sure they can do wonders for you; just look what they did for Himmler.
- In order to soften the blow of recruiting suicide bombers, begin calling them "Semtex delivery and implementation specialists".
- In order to put a more "everyman" face on your religion, 'convince' Garrison Keillor to convert so that he can give long, soporific monologues about all the old Norwegian ladies down at the mosque.
- Stop using middle-eastern music as the soundtrack to the videos. That stuff makes me want to stick my head into a grinder. Seriously, if you're trying to appeal to a younger, hipper audience, go with someone like "Insane Clown Posse".
- Come to think of it "Insane Clown Posse" might be a better new name than "Ansar al Sharia". Look into options for buying the rights.
- One word: Piercings. No-one's going to question your dedication if you have a hole in your nose big enough to pass a .50 BMG round through.
- Nothing better than following a popular trend: Start inserting references to bacon, zombies, and vampires into your tape-recorded harangues.
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