Friday, December 9, 2011

News Roundup

  • From the "Twits" Department - Three members of a congressman's staff were fired yesterday after several news sites reprinted their tweets about drinking on the job and other forms of goofing off.  Apparently being a leech on the ass of the American taxpayer isn't enough to get fired, but take a couple of snorts off of a bottle of Jack Daniel's and you're out of here.  Since the congressman in question is a Democrat, I'm pretty sure his staffers could have kept their jobs if they'd thought to claim they were just emulating Teddy Kennedy.
  •  From the "Another One" Department - Another academic has verbally attacked efforts to gather supplies for CARE packages to soldiers.  The Iowa State University lecturer opines in his screed that American soldiers receive enough from the American taxpayer already, and that their work to fight overseas only creates more terrorists.  Like I said about the professor in Massachusetts who expressed similar sentiments, it's a free country and he's welcome to his opinions.  Of course, I'm free to hope he gets run down by a septic system cleaner's tanker truck, but that's just me.  And I have to say thanks to him for teaching me a new five dollar word:  eleemosynary.  If you're playing "Spot the Liberal Arts Major" at home, that was a hint.
  • From the "Good Step" Department - NASA has approved a plan by SpaceX to attempt to send a space capsule to the ISS next year.  Hopefully they're successful.  Having more than one method for getting supplies and astronauts to the space station will take some of the wind out of the Russian license-to-print-money we have these days.
  • From the "Headcount" Department - China is taking a census of their wild pandas.  Apparently all naturalists in the area are being pressed into the hunt for pandas, which seems to boil down to a hunt for panda droppings.  The government will take the samples of panda waste and analyze them in order to discover how many pandas are in the area.  No word yet on how many pandas will be given the long form containing intrusive questions about their lifestyle, or whether or not law enforcement will be called in on any pandas who refuse to participate.
  • From the "Or Get Off The Pot" Department - Several Democrat members of Congress have asked their leadership to stop the Postal Service from shutting down sorting facilities and laying off thousands of workers in order to cut the agencies losses.  Apparently these legislators have forgotten that there are only so many way to improve the business position of an organization:  cut expenses or sell more product.  Since the amount of product the USPS is selling is falling at a steady rate, then it needs to cut expenses.  Now, how can they cut expenses?  Well, they could cut the workforce and shut down unneeded facilities, they can cut service to the bare minimum that they are mandated to provide, or they could invent a magic fuel that costs nothing and keeps their trucks, lights, and other equipment running without having to do any maintenance.  Apparently these members of Congress are trying to force the government to invest in that fuel.  Next up:  Unicorn ranching and rainbow mines to raise money to cut the federal deficit.

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