News Roundup

• From the "Cutting It Short" Department - The White House has ordered the U.S. Mint to halt production of presidential commemorative dollar coins in order to save money.  Apparently, almost $1.4 billion in coins that have already been struck have been returned to the Federal Reserve.  I've been places that relied on coins for small denominations, and it seemed to work, but the U.S. hasn't done that in any real sense for almost 100 years.  Honestly, the amount of trouble and expense it would take to change over would cost almost as much as the amount saved in not printing dollar bills.  Oh well, I've got our stash of Sacajawea dollars for tooth fairy money.   On a side note, I have found that my stash of military challenge coins makes for great pirate booty or Harry Potter money.
• From the "Justified" Department - A man in Florida has had the charges against him dismissed after a judge found that he had a right to defend himself under that states "Stand Your Ground" statute after he shot his ex-wife's boyfriend.  The boyfriend is believed to have threatened and lunged at the man.  Kentucky has a similar law, and I hope to never have to take advantage of it.  Anyone in Florida want to tell us if he can still be sued in civil court?  That would be the perfect counterpart.
• From the "Going to Hell On A Scholarship" Department - A charity that provides CARE packages to deployed soldiers and homeless veterans is among the victims of a scam that lost it nearly $3000.  Guys, that just ain't Christmas. I hope that the charity is able to make up the loss, and that the thieves are caught and hung up by their jingle bells.
• From the "Parents of the Year" Department - A Russian couple is in trouble after police spotted the mother putting what turned out to be a bag of heroin into the mouth of their 9 year old child.  Everything I've ever said about my parents?  Yeah, that pales in comparison.  Hopefully Ozzie and Harriet have a rather unpleasant experience in a Siberian prison for this.
• From the "Just Good Old Boys" Department - A Miami police officer is trying to explain how his cruiser ended up vertical alongside a telephone pole.  No word yet on whether or not he was chasing Bo and Luke Duke at the time of the incident.  Neither Boss Hogg nor Uncle Jesse could be reached for comment.
• From the "Christmas Pineapples" Department - A military museum in Sweden has come under PSH fire after it began selling Christmas ornaments shaped like hand grenades to raise money for a charity.  I'm not sure if that's Christmas either, but I like it.  "Honey, have you run the trip wire to the Christmas tree yet?  Remember, front towards enemy when you're setting the holiday claymore!  This'll keep those little scamps from shaking their gifts early!"
• From the "Ho Ho Ho" Department - The United States Senate took time off from their busy schedule of accelerating the countries circle of the drain yesterday to exchange gifts in a "Secret Santa" program.  That's right folks, the most powerful legislature in the world celebrated the holiday the same way the accounting department at Crazy Morty's House of Junk does.  Of course, when they're doing this, they're not making more problems for the country, so I guess it's for the best.  Some senators got a gift of coal, but no senators report getting what they really deserve:  pink slips.