My List

Most of you have probably read Skippy's List. If you haven't, you should, especially if you've ever been in or around the military.  Warning:  Some of his language is a bit salty, and some of the things he talks about may cause psychic damage to the fragile, but it's funny.

I'm going to steal a page from his playbook and discuss things I'm not allowed to do at work.  Of course, I'm not as good at this as he is, so I'll stay with 10 things instead of 213.

DaddyBear:

1. May not name his servers Hal9000, Norman, Lizzie, Hannibal, BuffaloBill, Smeagol, or any other names taken from mentally disturbed people.
2. May not describe a difficult co-worker as "unable to lead wild dogs to raw meat".
3. May not use the term "football bat" or "self-licking ice cream cone" to describe someone else's project plan.
4. May not offer to take a problematic server out to the range for a little fun.
5. May not ask offer his boss a loan of the "Clue Wrench" prior to a meeting with customers.
6. May not suggest that competing vendors be locked in a cage in order to figure out who wants it more.
7. May not use the term "poked the pooch" or "sh** the bed" when discussing mistakes, either his own or those committed by co-workers.
8. May not set the password for a user who repeatedly forgets his password to 'ImaDoofus".
9. May not tell the IBM rep that the last thing his company made that was worth a darn had "Selectric" printed on it.
10. May not tell an application vendor that he could replace their product with a 25 line PERL script.