The Grinch Who Stole Kimchi

The Who's down in Seoul-ville
Liked Christmas a lot
But the Leader up in Pyongyang
Certainly did not

He stood there in his gray suit
With his hair a foot high
He was a short, roundish thing
A really foul tempered guy

He stood there grinching, sipping his brandy
And snacking on caviar
His lackies kept handy.


"They're hanging their lights"
He grinched in Hongul
"It makes my people think
That I'm a big fool"

"Why for decades now
I've put up with their crap
My dad tried to stop them
But he got a pimp slap.
I've torpedoed their ships
and shelled their bases.
I'd love to take those Christmasy smiles
From their faces!"

Then the Leader got an idea
An awful idea
The Leader got an evil, awful idea

"I know just what I'll do"
Said the Leader with a smirk
"I'll rattle my saber and act like a jerk"

So he woke up his mouthpiece,
Who was shivering with cold
And the mouthpiece got on the horn
And did as he was told.

"The running dogs of the South must stop their fun
Or we will make them stop with the barrel of a gun.
Their food, their light, their warmth, their freedom
We'll blow that all up if they don't cease 'em."

His saber well rattled, his ego well stroked
The Leader was feeling really quite stoked.
So he retired to his castle, far from the Who's.
He just settled in for his winterly snooze.

The Who's, you ask?
What did they do?
Well, in Seoul-ville that day,
So the old people say,
They launched another video game to play.
So no-one heard the Leader grumping
And didn't hear the empty war drum he was thumping.
So in his hermit kingdom he will continue to rot
And the Who's will think of him not!