Friday, December 16, 2011


To all of the merry people of the earth:

I, DaddyBear, am officially Christmas'ed out.  I no longer wish to participate, at least for the rest of this month.  I will be wearing headphones until January 6 to drown out the schmaltzy Christmas songs.  I am going to keep my head down and not make eye contact with people so that I won't have to smile absently as they wish me a Merry Christmas.

I will, however, be doing my best to make sure that I do not contaminate anyone else with my Grinchiness.  I plan on getting both what little Christmas shopping I plan on doing don as well as retrieving the Christmas arboreal zombie so that my family may dress its corpse up with tinsel and glass balls this weekend.  I will put on the ugly Christmas sweater that I wear every December 25 and do the rounds to see family.  Because I have children and do not want them to know just how much I loathe this time of year, I will put on the false smile and try to guide them away from the more psychotic side of Yuletide.

And the next yokel who tries to convince me that I should attend his/her place of worship so that I don't make the baby Jesus cry* is going to have the sharp end of their Santa hat shoved in one ear and pulled out the other.

Hope to see all of you safe and sound on the other side of the madness.



*That is neither a joke nor is it hyperbole.  I have had two people tell me that the baby Jesus will cry if I do not attend church with them at Christmastime this year.  My suspicious side leads me to believe that there is a brochure or something that tells them how to get under my skin.


bluesun said...

Last sunday the pastor asked in his sermon, "what are the things that remind you that Christmas is coming?" I wanted to say "going off my rocker because 'It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' is stuck in my head and Won't. Get. Out."

Oh crap, there it comes again... madness can not be far away...

Ruth said...

My mother has thankfully given up on that one. Not sure how I won that arguement, but she's stopped pestering me about going to church, even when they're out here for Christmas and are searching for a Christmas eve service to attend.

DaddyBear said...

I'll still be going to church. My irritation is with those who try to convince me that their church is better, and I ought to jump on the bandwagon with them at their megachurch.

Laura said...

i feel your pain. i won't go into a long, melodramatic story about it, but this year is the first "Christmasy" year i've had in a LONG time.

Auntie J said...

When people start trying to convince me that their megachurch is better, I do one of two things:

1) At this time of year, I mentally retreat, nod noncommittally, and start mental playback of Handel's Young Messiah and thereby tune them out.

2) Tell them how a megachurch's ushers, upon learning that my (blind) best friend had zero interest in being a part of the "healing service" they were doing at the end of whatever program she was there for, moved her three times so she--and her Seeing Eye dog--wouldn't be in camera view. (Yes, I fully believe God heals, but my best friend believes she's not in need of healing, and I agree.) They usually gasp when I tell that story.

So I'll listen to my Christmas music that doesn't usually make it onto the radio for you, and play my Handel, and make up for your Grinchiness. And I won't say you have to come to my church (which isn't a megachurch). Deal?

DaddyBear said...


Anonymous said...

I understand your irritation with the mega-churches. They must be very fearful to be so strident. For myself I will merely wish you a Happy Solstice and wishes that the Great Spirit ( by whatever name ) watches over you and yours.

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