News Roundup

• From the "Water Still Wet" Department - Researchers have concluded that alcohol blocks the part of the brain that lets people know they're making mistakes. Really, Einstein?  Getting drunk can make it so you don't know you're messing up?  Someone forgot to call the campus police department at 95% of American universities before they approved that research grant.  Heck, if I'd known that alcohol could keep me from knowing I was doing stupid stuff, I never would have learned that you can indeed jump 50 feet off of a storm wall into soft sand without injury if you're juiced up well enough and have your drinking buddy show you how to do a proper parachute landing fall.
• From the "I'm Related to Most of Them" Department - Researchers have also announced that half of U.S. adults suffer from one form of mental illness or another.  I think this estimate might be a little low.  Either that or I have a personality that draws the mentally ill like flies to honey.  And I don't suffer from mental illness; I enjoy every minute of it. Baddum Dum Ting!
• From the "This is Revolution!" Department - The Swedish Dairy Association is predicting an earlier than normal shortage of butter in the Scandinavian country.  If the supply of lingenberries and ham dries up too, we may see carnage in the streets.  This would be like if the supply of bacon got low around here.  We'd see housewives in knife fights with leather clad bikers in the Kroger.
• From the "Seriously?" Department - A man in Florida has been arrested after police say he tore apart a vending machine and 'molested' it.  From the description, it looks like he did just what 'molested' made you think about.  Is this what we get for raising kids to play with machines all their life?  Dude, what you do in the privacy of your own home is between you and your 'significant appliance'.  But don't do it at the laundromat.  No-one wants to see that while they're watching a load of whites go round and round.