Stump Speech

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.  It's good to be here in X, and I appreciate the warm hospitality you all have extended to us.

I'm here today to talk about Candidate X and the social agenda we have as part of our campaign:

It's none of our business.

That's all.

It's none of our business.

Pretty simple, isn't it?

Candidate X and I both recognize that we're just as human and therefore flawed as everyone else.  We have no business telling other adults how they should live their lives.  So long as you're not hurting someone, the following are things we have no business expressing an opinion on:

• Who you sleep with, so long as they agree to it and they're also an adult
• Who you marry
• Whether or not you choose to have children
• If you practice a religion at all, and if you do, which religion you practice
• How much money you legally earned
• What books, magazines, websites, or whatever you enjoy
• What political views you hold
• What car you choose to drive
• How you choose to educate your children
• What substances you put into your body in order to change your perception of the world around you

There are others, but I think you get the idea.  How you go through life is up to you, based on what you believe is right and is right for you.

Candidate X and I are fiscally conservative, as we have discussed at length.  But socially, we're a 'whatever'.  We're certainly not what comes across as conservative or liberal in this country.  We have our own sets of values and if elected, we will govern based on those values, but we won't try to force those values on the day to day lives of our fellow citizens.

What adults do with their lives doesn't cross into the realm of public opinion or government attention so long as they don't break the law or harm someone else.  What an adult does, so long as they don't harm someone else, is none of our business.

That being said, with rights come responsibilities.  You have the right to sleep with whatever other adult you want to, and we don't care as long as it's a mutually agreed to endeavor.  Force someone into sex or involve a minor, and we will stomp a mudhole in your backside.  We believe that if an adult wishes to drink, smoke, or inject something to get high, that's their right.  But if you neglect or abuse your kids because you're stoned, or you climb behind the wheel and get into a wreck, you will be hung out to dry.

We pledge that if elected, we will start dismantling the parts of the government that want to tell you how to live your life.  But we are also going to dismantle the part of the government that is there to catch you when you fall.  If you exercise a right to live the way you want to live, however self-destructive that way of life may be, you shouldn't expect the rest of society to pick up the pieces for you.

Ladies and gentlemen, for almost three generations, our nation has allowed itself to become more and more infantile in its relationship with government.  We have looked at the government as a parent, and that has to stop.  Social conservatives look for the parent-government to tell people what to do and what not to do.  Social liberals look for the parent-government to provide a safety net to save those who won't save themselves.  That has to stop.  The purpose of government is to provide a commons for decision making and to protect the nation from threats from outside and from within. That's it.

We look forward to working with the people of X to start to turn around the nanny-state and government intrusion into citizens' lives.  We thank you for your time, and we hope that when you go to vote, you remember us.  Thank you.