Sunday, September 4, 2011

A Public Announcement

I just returned from the store with Boo, and I have something to say:

The following people are cordially invited to join the line to bite me, which forms to the right:

  • The young couple who were making out in the greeting cards section.  Dude, you don't need to get to second base next to the birthday cards.  
  • The lady in the "Freddie Says Relax" tee shirt who chided me for correcting Boo when he smacked me next to the ice cream.
  • The family who took 40 items to the "20 Items Or Less" aisle, used coupons, and then started yelling at the cashier in a language not normally used on this continent when she told them that half of the coupons were expired.
  • The older lady who also brought 40 items to the "20 Items Or Less" aisle, but who used a check to pay and then took the time to balance her checkbook right then and there.
  • The store manager who gave the cashier a dirty look when she started flirting with Boo at the checkout in order to keep him happy.  Remember, when the toddler's happy, he's quiet.
  • The hipster douchebag who talked loudly about how children should be seen and not heard when I was playing with Boo and tickling him in line in order to keep him from getting bored and screeching. See above comment about toddler happiness.
  • The man my age who told his children that he wasn't going to waste money on books while he was in line to get cigarettes.
  • The guy in the Mercedes station wagon who honked his horn and flipped me off because I had the audacity to be in the crosswalk back to the parking lot when he turned the corner and wanted to cruise past the front of the store.
Now I remember why I buy so much stuff on-line.


PISSED said...

WOW.... you got'em all today huh?

DaddyBear said...

Yeah, I pretty much hit the jackpot on "Walmart Douchebag Bingo".

Keads said...


Yeah on-line is the way to go. Here the Wally world stands as proof there is no hell and the living dead are among us. They congregate there.

45er said...

I've learned that life is too short to hold your tongue. I used to be the one to just let things pass, but if everyone were like that, people wouldn't find out they were complete and total D-Bags. So, for the purpose of self-improvement I got ahead and let them know. The only one you missed is the person that decides it is their right to be verbally abusive to the cashier. I love to show them that while the employee may have to hold their tongue, the next customer in line sure can let them know what an idiot they are.

Matt said...

Don't worry, Pissed, I bet they're headed your way...

Old NFO said...

Yep, you 'win' the most idjits in a day award... :-(

MrG's said...

I had a couple of incidents at wallyworld at different times. Once when my son was 3,(he is 8 now) he was showing his ass and I swatted him on the butt to get his attention, and I had a lady who was walking by stated" that is child abuse" I quickly retorted "Lady, do you want some of this too?" I was highly annoyed to say the least. She stormed off. A couple of weeks ago I had some clown go into an express line in front of us with a buggy full of stuff, I looked at this youngish dude and pointed to the sign" What is this?...A typo". The poor cashier could not say anything because of walmarts policy of kissing the customers ass...even if they are wrong. The guy in question made a comment about whipping my ass and I told him that if he felt froggy, go for it. The manager showed up and tried to diffuse the situation by moving everybody to another register. We went through the register and the dirtbag was glaring daggers at me while the cashier slowly rang him out. so I blew him a kiss as I walked to the door and to my car. And people wonder why I like smaller stores and online purchases. I have found that the older I get, the less tolerant I am of poor behavior.

North said...

I was annoyed by a hipster. He kept telling me what to do.

In a very kind, gently, helpful voice I said: "Do you know what I would do if I were you?"

"No. What?"

"If I were stuck being you I'd fucking blow my brains out."

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