An Open Letter

Dear Jerks,

I'm glad to hear that you have been released from your confinement in Iran.  I'm sure that your family and friends here in the United States will be happy to see your ignorant butts after so many months away. 

Now that you and the young lady that accompanied you on your little nature hike in the mountains of Northern Iraq are safe, I have a few things to say:

You went for a bit of hiking in a war zone next to the border with a country that distinctly dislikes people from our country, and seemed shocked that you ended up in a jail cell.  What in hell were you thinking, and what were you thinking with?  Northern Iraq is safer than the rest of the country, but that's like saying that Hollywood is safer than Compton.  Both are a bit scary for skinny little college kids like you. 

Oh, I see from the news report that you all went to the University of California at Berkeley.  That explains a lot.  Now that I know that, I can see why you would have believed that the world outside of the parts controlled by the United States are a great place to go wandering.

I sincerely hope that the government sends you a bill for all of the time and money spent trying to bribe your way out of whatever hellhole you were being held in.  It is my sincere hope that you spend the rest of your life trying to pay off that quite sizeable debt.  Personally, I would have left your ignorant asses to rot in whatever cesspool they threw you in until you were nothing but a memory as an example to whatever other rich hippie-wannabes that think going to the mid-east for a camping trip is a good idea. 

In the future, when a bit of wanderlust comes over you, and you need to head to the mountains, might I suggest the Appalachian Trail, the Wasatch Front, or the Sierra Nevadas as a destination?  Yeah, you won't  be able to boast that you hiked through the third world, but at least when you do something stupid we can use our own resources to pull your asses out of a crack.