News Roundup

• From the "That's Peculiar" Department - A Marine in North Carolina recently found a training missile from a helicopter gunship in his yard.  Two questions:  Who wouldn't notice that a training missile either went missing or impacted outside the training area, and just how cool a customer is this Marine that he figured out it was a training missile before grabbing his wife, kids, and pets and getting outside the blast radius?  Then again, I've found some strange things in the tall grass when I finally break down and go out to cut the lawn, especially right after the 4th of July.
• From the "What Were You Thinking?" Department - Two police officers in Toronto are coming under fire for handcuffing a 9 year old autistic boy when they were called in to help control him in school.  Apparently he was throwing paint and such around, but they were able to get him to lie down and then put the handcuffs on him.  No word yet on whether or not they'll be sent to taser an Alzheimer's patient who won't eat his jello. 
• From the "That's What Children Do" Department - Parents of a 4 year old boy in England have been warned that their son will be monitored for noise level when playing outside, and they may be fined if he continues to make too much noise.  I've raised a whole bunch of kids in my life.  I've got a 3 year old now.  Now of them have been quiet as long as they're conscious.  Someone needs to find out who is complaining about a child enjoying himself outside and making a bit of noise and strap a couple of 1970's era speakers to their head so they can listen to the noise in beautiful quadrophonic sound.
• From the "Hair Bands Go Way Back" Department - Archeologists believe that ancient Egyptians used a pomade made from plant and animal fat, and the substance may have been used as part of funeral rites to give the deceased the same hair style as they had in life.  The image I had run through my mind while I read that was Sha-Na-Na in robes singing "At The Hop" in front of a pyramid.  Will archeologists be digging up Bon Jovi and Poison in three thousand years and deciding that we all wore our hair like that?  I shudder at the thought.
• From the "New Civility" Department - A Democratic member of Congress from Indiana has compared the Tea Party movement to the forces of Jim Crow.  Congressman Andre Carson stated in a speech the other day that "some of them in Congress right now of this tea party movement would love to see you and me ... hanging on a tree."  Congressman Carson, I've got a news flash for you.  We don't want to see black people lynched.  We want to see them getting up in the morning, going to a job, and becoming a net producer for the economy.  Since that's what is expected of me every day, I don't think it's racist to expect it of others.  Speaking of becoming a net producer, what are your employment plans after the 2012 election?