News Roundup

• From the "Dead Man Whizzing" Department - An 18 year old man on a flight from Portland to New York got into a bit of trouble when he mistook the leg of a sleeping 11 year old girl for a urinal.  The article doesn't mention whether or not the father of the young lady, who was away using the facilities himself at the time of the incident, will be charged for the ass beating I'm sure he laid upon this drunken bluntskull.  Heck, if you're going to be cleaning up urine, what's a little blood and soft tissue to wipe off of an armrest?
• From the "This is Your Brain on Drugs" Department - A young man in Illinois skipped out on a cab fare, but left behind his ID and bong.  Hey, I'm all for the legalization of pot, but I never said it would make a genius out of you.  No word yet on whether or not his father gave him the dopeslap he so richly deserved before sending him down to the police station.
• From the "No-one Wants to See That" Department - A man is suing DHS, TSA, and several airport officials after he was kept at a security checkpoint in handcuffs for 90 minutes after stripping down to the bare minimum during an airport security check.  I've considered doing the same thing, but decided against it.  It tends to mess with the flow of your day when animal control is called out because someone reported seeing a great hairy beast wearing boxers and size 15 hiking boots in the terminal.