News Roundup

• From the "Up In Smoke" Department - The LAPD bomb squad detonated an suspicious briefcase and found that it contained a movie script and a laptop computer.   The owner had brought it to the talent agency where it was found in hopes of getting someone to read his magnum opus.  Since the laptop was destroyed, I hope this guy invested in some backup software or has a really deep line-up in his liquor cabinet, because he's going to be using one or the other.
• From the "Heart Attack on a Stick" Department - A vendor at the Iowa state fair is selling battered and deep fried sticks of butter for $4 apiece.  You know, you wrap that puppy in bacon, give me a cold beer, and hook me up with a blood pressure/cholesterol medicine IV drip, and you've got a deal.
• From the "Well, duh!" Department - Police in Oklahoma are refusing to investigate an incident in which a woman stripped to her skin at a golf course because no-one has complained.  I could make a sexual or mysogenistic comment here, but I probably don't need to.
• From the "Stupid's Supposed to Hurt" Department - A woman in Florida lost three fingers when her attempt to utilize fireworks to wake up her husband went horribly wrong.  This just goes to show the value of a good alarm clock.
• From the "Yeah, That'll Work" Department - Scotland Yard is in negotiations to bring the former head of the Los Angeles Police Department to England to act as a consultant on how to deal with riots.  Because if you need to quell a riot, you know you can call the LAPD for good advice.
• From the "Better to Live in Sin" Department - The management of the "Sesame Street" television program have reacted to an on-line petition to have the puppet characters of Bert and Ernie admit that they are in fact gay and get married.  The statement says that while the puppets are male and have lived together for 40+ years, they have no sexual orientation.  My response to the whole thing:  Don't we have anything better to worry about than the sexual orientation and marital status of two foam rubber puppets?
• From the "Update" Department - The man who was arrested after urinating on a 11 year old girl on a flight has been kicked off of the United States skiing team, where he was apparently trying to get ready to compete at the Olympics.  I'd hate to see everyone who makes a mistake lose their dream like that.  It seems to be a slippery slope to me.