News Roundup

• From the "Oops" Department - A sword swallower in Britain is recovering after a mishap in his act caused a four inch gash in his esophagus.  In related news, the Consumer Product Safety Commission will soon announce a recall of all long, sharp implements to get their edges rounded off.  They're doing it for the children.
• From the "Makes Sense" Department - A city council in Arizona is asking a candidate to sit on the council to prove she can read, write, and speak English fluently.  Apparently, in earlier dealings with city government, another member of the council has had to translate for the lady, so this may have merit.  If she's unsuccessful, she ought to run for Congress.  It's not like most Congressmen actually read what they vote for.
• From the "Low and Left" Department - A judge in Wisconsin has dismissed charges against a man prosecutors believed shot himself in the genitals when, as a felon, he wasn't supposed to be in possession of a firearm.  There are few details in the reporting, but even if the man is indeed guilty, I'm sure that the consequences of him having a firearm are worse than going back to prison.
• From the "TV Cliche" Department - A business in Fresno, California, had to have a towing company bring out their biggest truck in order to remove a car that had landed on their roof after an automobile accident.  Police are reportedly looking for an erratic helicopter pilot, an older gentleman who smokes cigars, a pretty-boy, and a psychotic gentleman who likes weird haircuts and gold jewelry for questioning in the incident.  Also being sought are two country boys from Hazard County and a man who drives a classic Trans-Am with a swishing red light on the front.