News Roundup

• From the "Shocked" Department - The CDC is reporting that murder as a cause of death has fallen off of the top 15 reasons Americans die for the first time since 1965.  No way is this true.  We have been told by our betters that guns cause murder, and the number of guns owned by private citizens has surged to all time highs.  This has to be a huge coverup engineered by the NRA, the NSA, and the NCAA.
• From the "Real World Example" Department - An "animal rights" group has taken responsibility for the recent torching of several trucks used to haul cattle.  Attention Department of Homeland Security:  This is an example of domestic terrorism.  The guy who's got a Bible, a gun safe, a bucket of bullets, and some MRE's is not setting trucks, car dealerships, ski lodges, or housing developments on fire. 
• From the "Father of the Year" Department - Police were called to the Occupy Washington camp recently because some bluntskull thought it would be a good idea to leave his 13 month old daughter alone, in a onesie, in a tent, in January.  I look forward to this guy being put in the stocks, in a onesie, in January.  See?  I don't just pick on women.