News Roundup

• From the "Classy" Department - A young lady in Colorado is complaining  because her high school yearbook committee rejected her rather racy senior picture.  I've seen the picture, and I agree with the yearbook staff.  A few less stitches and the 18 year old could send her picture to Larry Flint.  On the other hand, when she starts dancing professionally, she'll already have a glamour shot to give to club managers.
• From the "Better Christian Than Me" Department - The lady who was critically injured just prior to Halloween when two miscreants dropped a shopping cart on her has expressed concern and forgiveness for the two delinquents who injured her.  Just goes to show that there are good people in the world, even if the people she is worried about richly deserve her wrath.
• From the "Qel Surpris" Department - Communist authorities in China apparently like their cars big, expensive, and fast.  Reports of Bentleys, Porsches, and Masseratis cruising around the Asian powerhouse are becoming common.  I also understand that an entire Trabant factory is being brought in to provide affordable transportation for the proletariat.  
• From the "Baby Blues" Department - Parents at a hospital in New York City are upset because celebrity parents Jay Z. and Beyonce were allowed to take over an entire floor of the maternity ward when they recently had their baby.  Private security kept people out of waiting rooms and hallways while the happy couple were enjoying their new bundle of joy.  This included parents of other children who were born recently, including premature infants in the NICU.  Two things here:  Money doesn't buy class, and it's never too early to start teaching your child how to act like a spoiled thug.  If you're that worried about your wife and child, why not have it done at a more private facility?  Hell, for the amount of money they spent on 'redecorating' the hospital, they could have had an entire NICU installed in their home so little "Blue" could have been born away from the hoi-poloi.
• From the "Darwin Cheated" Department - A young lady from Australia survived a plunge into the Zambezi River, home of the semi-annual "Hunt for the Crocodile Victim" competition, after the bungie cord she was using to jump from the bridge over Victoria Falls broke.  The young lady is doing well, but had to spend a week in the hospital after her plunge and swim.  She wasn't seriously injured, but after her body evacuated all available orifices, she needed nutritional support for a few days to get caught back up.
• From the "Aw Hell" Department - Soldiers of the 2nd Infantry Division in Washington state are on lockdown as authorities try to find several pieces of 'sensitive' equipment that have gone missing.  Every soldier I have ever met cringes at the term "missing sensitive gear".  When they find the people who are responsible for the loss, they'd probably be well-advised to fess up and get shipped to Leavenworth quickly rather than be let loose among the thousands of troops who spent time locked down on base and away from their families.
• From the "Goofy on a Unicycle" Department - North Korea's new God-King was recently shown on television driving a tank.  Two words come to mind when I think about this:  Michael Dukakis.