What to know when you go to college

A doctor in Illinois has compiled a list of things to know for new college students and their families.  It includes the normal admonitions about drinking, drugs, and health needs.  I thought I'd add to it.

Here's my list:

• There is no magic underwear fairy at college.  The dirty clothes will not magically appear in your drawers overnight, clean and folded.  Learn how to use a laundry.
• The laundry is not in your mom's basement.
• The following people are not your friends:

1. The guy who doesn't check ID's too closely at the liquor store
2. The guy who deals on campus
3. The girl who asks you to do her homework for her in exchange for the privilege of taking her out to dinner
4. The guy who asks you for a date to attend the party at his frat house just to introduce you to all of the guys
5. The professor or TA who really really seems to like you
6. The guys handing out free tee shirts in exchange for a credit card application
7. The guy who sold you that Xbox after you got your student loan check

• It is amazing how many meals can be made using nothing more than a microwave oven and a coffee maker
• When there are mushrooms growing in the shower, it's time to break out those cleaning supplies your parents sent with you last semester
• When you start to smell so bad you offend yourself, time to break out that soap and shampoo that they also packed
• Captain Condom says: Wrap that rascal!
• You may hate rice, ramen, tuna fish, and bologna, but you will be amazed how quickly you can get over that when you're hungry
• If the only thing you can honestly say you learned last semester was how to do a beer bong or roll a joint, you're doing it wrong
• Your professor may truly care about whether or not you get a good education, but she's going to get paid whether or not you show up to her 9 AM class.  You're paying for it, you might as well go.
• Very few people are going to pay you for a degree that boils down to four years of BS'ing with the professor and navel gazing.  Remember, there are millions of starving artists, musicians, and poets in the world, but a plumber rarely goes hungry.
• The world needs ditch diggers too.

Any additions?