News Roundup

• From the "Play Stupid Games" Department - A man dancing around a blowhole in Hawaii was swept into the hole by a wave and has not been found.  Officials are restating the truism that you're on your own when you mess with Mother Nature, red of tooth and claw.  Guys, if you think it's a good idea to do a hippie dance around the upper hole of a sea cave, then I leave you to your destiny.  Some of us were meant to grow old and have grandkids. Some were meant to be fish food.  It's your choice.
• From the "My Client Is An Idiot" Department - A woman in Kentucky was arrested after charging at the judge in her divorce hearing.  She had just been given 10 days in jail for being disruptive in court, and I guess she decided to go big or go home.  Thankfully, she didn't get to the judge, having tripped over a railing and getting body slammed by police before she could get to spitting distance.  Nothing helps your divorce case like trying to assault the person who is going to decide who gets the Hank Jr. commemorative plate set.
• From the "Big Brass Ones" Department - The Russian government has pledged to find the perpetrators of a campaign of fake movie posters that portray Prime Minister Vladimir Putin as a KGB agent.  Of course, he was a KGB agent, and I'm sure he did something while at that job.  You know, like try to suppress most of Eastern Europe, plot the invasion and overthrow of western democracies, and try to keep the horrendous conditions of Soviet citizens' lives a secret.  I fear for the people who put these posters up though.  They can rename Dzerzhinsky Square as much as they want to, but the Lubyanka still has a basement, and last time I checked, it hadn't been turned back into an insurance agency.
• From the "Business As Usual" Department - The Chicago police department is preparing for a massive influx of protesters at next spring's G-8 conference.  They plan on training thousands of officers in mass arrests and crowd control in anticipation of large groups of people breaking into businesses, destroying or grabbing whatever they can find, and generally making a nuisance of themselves.  And the protesters for the conference will just add to what has become a normal day on the beat for Chicago's finest.