News Roundup

• From the "Busy Night" Department - An Ohio legislator has pled guilty to DUI.  At the time of his arrest, he was driving under the influence, had a stripper in the car, and had Viagra in his system.  Wow, there's a lot going on there.  If you wrote that into a movie script, it would be rejected as being unbelievable.  Then again, I had no problem believing it in the news report, so who knows?
• From the "Stupid Is As Stupid Does" Department - A group of college students in Utah were injured when their pastime of dropping Molotov cocktails and fireworks down an abandoned mineshaft literally backfired on them.  Apparently it was just fun and games until someone arrived with a metric crap-ton of gasoline and it got spilled down the mineshaft and caught fire. If the word 'blowtorch' just ran through your mind, congratulations, you're right.  Several people were badly burned and had to drive themselves down out of the mountains to get some help.   Remember people, stupidity and flammable liquids don't mix.  I don't know how often I've had to say that.
• From the "This is Revolution!" Department - A judge in Minnesota refused to help bar and liquor store owners who wanted him to force the state to issue liquor licenses even though the government is shut down due to budget issues.  Civilization may not come to a stop if the government isn't there, but it will come to a screeching, fiery halt if the supply of booze slows to a trickle.  No reports of mobs with torches and pitchforks have been provided, but I expect to see them any day.
• From the "Buzz Kill" Department - A Goodwill store in Kansas reports that someone accidentally put some marijuana in with a recent donation.  Somewhere in Kansas, a stoner is walking around wondering what happened to his bean bag, his "Dark Side of the Moon" glow-in-the-dark poster, and his stash.
• From the "Have you met my brother-in-law?" Department - Canadian scientists are claiming to have found genetic proof that early homo sapiens interbred with Neandertal populations they found when they walked out of Africa.  For those of you who have met me or my kids, this should come as no surprise.  I can proudly say that I am the third generation of my family to walk upright, but there are some scars and callouses on my knuckles.
• From the "Are you bloody kidding me?" Department - The National Institutes for Health is under fire over a 2009 report that correlated the size of a gay man's penis with his preferences in the bedroom. I won't go into detail here, but government money was used to correlate and publish data over whether a gay man was more likely to be a pitcher or catcher based on some of his attributes.   I'm not going to make a witty observance here.  I'm in awe of the bad taste, fiscal   irresponsibility, and the fact that they actually filled out that grant request.