News Roundup

• From the "Chowdah" Department - A truck hauling 33,000 pounds of seafood has been reported stolen in Pennsylvania.  Police are on the lookout for the truck, possibly in a convoy with trucks hauling potatoes and malt vinegar.
• From the "Genius" Department - A man in Utah was arrested for bank robbery after police followed his footprints in the snow, which led from the bank he allegedly robbed to his apartment.  Someone needs to tell Professor Einstein that it's no fun for the police if they don't even have to bring out the dogs to find his ignorant butt.  Come on man, at least try!
• From the "Win Stupid Prizes" Department - A hippo named Humphrey in South Africa recently bit and killed the man who was caring for him as a pet.  Apparently the "wouldn't hurt a fly" water horse has been raised by humans since he was a calf, and the owner was repeatedly warned about keeping such a dangerous animal. You know, sometimes the only purpose in someone's life is to be a negative example for others, and I think this guy achieved that life goal just before he was dragged into the water by his lap-hippo.
• From the "Good Boy" Department - A St. Bernard in Ohio cemented the relationship with his new family just seven hours after being adopted by chasing off a would-be burglar and biting him on the ankle.  Talk about a quick return on investment!  The dog was unable to comment on the situation because his mouth was full of steak.
• From the "Defense in Depth" Department - The British government is reportedly planning on deploying missiles to aid in defending the 2012 Olympic Games in London from terrorists.  Which missiles will they use to defend the Olympics you ask?  Why Javelins, of course.