News Roundup

• From the "Praise the Lord" Department - Facebook has announced that it will be offering the 'old' style newsfeed, which appears to be made of light and magic, as opposed to the new style, which appears to be made of suck and fail.  And now the republic can sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that my use of Facebook, which I do only to remind myself why I stay out of the family craziness, will be done using a classic interface, which was designed and built less than 5 years ago.  Don't we have more important things to do in America?
• From the "Bad Day at Baikonur" Department - Russia has announced that one of its spacecraft, which is supposed to go to Mars, could fall to Earth soon because its rockets failed to ignite on time.  Authorities  assert that the large amount of fuel on board will probably burn up on reentry, which I hope happens in the night sky over Kentucky.  I need some fireworks to cheer me up.  Seriously, though, isn't this the way that most zombie movies start?
• From the "Cry Me A River" Department - A man, who has been convicted of murder, held up a court proceeding today by going off at the mouth about how he is being treated in prison.  Apparently he made a signal that he might hurt himself, so authorities strip searched him and put him on suicide watch, and that caught in his craw a tad.  I say he's expressing what I call a "First World Problem".  You see, we're civilized enough that the worst thing that's happened to someone convicted of murder is that he's been stripped down and had someone watching him to make sure he doesn't get hurt.  Take us a couple of rungs down the societal sophistication ladder, and this schmuck would have spent a days in the pain room accompanied by a few members of the victim's family.  He should count himself lucky.
• From the "My Hero" Department - A man, who joined the military at age 38 so he could serve in World War II, recently celebrated his 108th birthday.  He attributes his long life to "wine, women, and song".  I think I'll emulate his winning strategy, although I'm  more into "Bourbon, Redheads, and Gunpowder".  Bourbon makes you want to live, redheads keep you on your toes, and I don't want to live a life without gunpowder.