News Roundup

• From the "One Stop Shop" Department - Two men in California have been arrested for immigration, narcotics, and weapons charges after being caught selling drugs and guns out of their hot dog stand.  Tentative names for the business were "Mausers and Meth", "Weiners and Weapons", "Sausages and Sigs", "Brats and Boomsticks", and "Ma Deuce Au Jus".  
• From the "Taking It Too Seriously" Department - A school in British Columbia has outlawed bracelets that say "I HEART BOOBIES", which were being worn to raise awareness of breast cancer.  Officials say that it's a distraction and could be offensive.  Boy, they're really going to hate colo-rectal cancer awareness month.
• From the "Walking on Water" Department - A surfer in Oregon claims that after a large shark knocked him off of his board, he actually rode the beast for a few seconds.  Although his story is backed up by witnesses, I'm skeptical.  I've been related by marriage to quite a few sharks, and I've never known any of them to give piggy back rides.
• From the "Snakes in a Van" Department - A man was arrested recently in Georgia for transporting 13 reptiles, including 10 snakes, in his car.  This one I believe.  It's amazing how many reptilian forms of life I've been related to through marriage that needed a ride at one time or another.
• From the "No Kidding?" Department - Researchers in Atlanta have reported an increase in births 9 months after a major snow storm shut down the city.  Let's see, it's dark, it's cold, you're bored, and you're stuck at home with your significant other.  Who could have predicted that people might have gotten pregnant?  Heck, if the people in the south didn't know that, all they would have had to do was ask someone from the Great White North.  We all know that you make babies when you're snowed in, and deliver them when the leaves change colors.
• From the "Stone Age Gallery" Department - Archeologists in South Africa claim to have found evidence of an early paint factory.  Among the things found were stones used to grind and mix pigments, shells used to hold the paint, and instruments to scoop it up.  No word yet on the amount of jaunty berets, Galois cigarettes, primitive espresso machines, and cheap red wine that was found.