News Roundup

• From the "Reptiles Over Nuptials" Department - A woman in England has put off her wedding so that she can afford chemotherapy for her lizard.  You know, if I'd suggested putting off our wedding so that I could pay for chemo for my cat, we'd have still needed the chapel, but the priest would have needed another section of the Book of Common Prayer.  Irish Woman would still have thrown a party, but the invitations would have had "reception" crossed out with "wake" written in in jagged red permanent marker.
• From the "Criminal J. Mastermind" Department - A copper thief in North Carolina broke into a jail and stole copper out of an air conditioning unit.  Police are investigating.  Three things occur to me here.  First, you've either got to be really desperate or really reckless to break into a jail to steal.  Second, the guards at this particular jail must be having a really bad week right about now.  And third, if they catch this guy, he better hope he's not sent to this particular jail.  Would you want to be locked in a jail with guards you just embarrassed and criminals you just made sit in the heat with no air conditioning?
• From the "Steve McQueen is Weeping" Department - American car manufacturers have announced plans to rollout cars with three cylinder engines in the next couple of years.   They promise to give just as good a performance as the four cylinder hot rods we're driving now, with much better gas mileage.  Because we all know that these overpowered four cylinder death machines are killing baby rabbits and drinking high test gasoline by the barrel.  The term that comes to mind is "blood from a turnip".  One good thing about driving a minivan is that there is no way I will ever have one of these things under my hood.  Heck, I'd need two of them in order to get that behemoth of mine up to the speed where I can use cruise control.
• From the "Chutzpah" Department - The FBI is charging an official in Michigan with embezzlement.  It seems that the gentleman may have misappropriated almost a quarter of a million dollars and used government funds to acquire a Jaguar and a Mercedes.  My guess is no-one would have complained if he had bought a Ford or GM car.