News Roundup

• From the "Oh, How Sad" Department - Users of denial of service tools provided by the Anonymous group seem to have gotten more than they bargained for.  Apparently in addition to their tools to fight against the man or something, they also got the Zeus botnet, which can be used to steal their personal data.  Excuse me while I feel absolutely no sympathy.  This is kind of like when I heard that the girl who broke up with me in high school caught a social disease from the guy she hooked up with next.
• From the "Why would he do that?" Department - John Edwards, pretty boy, philanderer, and accused felon, has asked that the courts not destroy the sex tape he made with his girlfriend while his wife was dieing of cancer.  The girlfriend, who later had a daughter with Mr. Edwards, also while his wife was dieing of cancer, won the tape back from a former business associate in a lawsuit, and the tape is scheduled to be destroyed in the next few weeks.  I'm scratching my head on this one.  Why would you want to have video proof that you were banging the videographer from your campaign staff while your wife was dieing slowly?  Then again, we already know the guy is a total hairball, so a sex tape couldn't possibly do further damage to his reputation as a husband and human being.  
• From the "And the Horse You Rode In On" Department - The Department of Education informed schools in New York City that students who enter the military after high school aren't worth as much as students who go on to college when schools are graded.  I think you can figure out how I feel on this issue.  Let's leave the emotional issue of patriotism and the value of service to the country aside for the moment.  I'm too tired to rant at the moment, so I'll try to be rational about this.  I would be curious to see the percentage of students who left high school four years ago, went straight into college, and graduated on-time with a four year degree.  Then let's see the percentage of students who joined the military straight out of high school, competed their initial and follow on training, and finished their first enlistment successfully.  I wouldn't be surprised if the successful percentage on the military side wasn't higher than the college bound group's successful percentage.  Then we can compare the actual employable skills, level of personal debt, and criminal records of the students who went into college against those of the students who went into the military.  In closing, I'd like to say that the Department of Education can suck the 30+ college credits I got for my military training, above and beyond the college classes I took while in uniform.
• From the "Qel Surpris" Department - Vladimir Putin is projected to have won the presidential election in Russia.  If you're surprised by this, I believe there's a man in Manhattan who would like to sell you a bridge.  Of course, reports of election irregularities are popping up.  To be honest, I have to say to the opposition in Russia that if they want a clean election, they're going to have to do something with one of the other three boxes before they can expect good results from the ballot box.  In a mark of progress in Russia, it should be noted that the opposition candidates all survived to see election day.
• From the "Going to Hell on a Scholarship" Department - A pair of thieves in Texas are wanted for stealing cookie money from a group of Girl Scouts and then injuring one of the girls with their getaway car.  I think it would be ironic if, after they are caught and convicted, they are put in a cell with a big Samoan guy who likes to play Tagalong with his Thin Mint, if you know what I mean.