Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Have it your way, sparky

The Egyptian Minister for Planning and International Cooperation has publicly stated that Egypt doesn't need the $250 million a year that the United States gives to Egypt as economic aid.  Apparently a quarter of a billion dollars is a drop in the bucket for Egypt.  If so, then congratulations are in order to the Egyptians.

Of course, we also send $1.3 billion in military aid to the Egyptians, which brings our total to around $1.5 billion a year in aid of one form or another.  For that we get......


The Egyptians sent a contingent of troops to help us in .....

Nope, not that.

The Egyptians give us basing rights in ......

No, not that either.


Wait, I've got it.  We give them about a billion and a half in total aid every year so they'll keep their promise to not be belligerent towards Israel and keep a lid on Islamic terrorists and hate-mongers in their country.....

Wait, they stopped doing that last year.

OK, how about this:

Dear Egypt,

We're so glad to hear that you're doing so well that the yearly check from Uncle Sam is really not needed to meet your basic needs anymore.  Congratulations on maturing as a nation and country.   People have been living in the Nile valley for a few thousand years, and y'all used to rule a big chunk of Africa and the Mid-East, so it's no surprise to us, a country that's less than 250 years old, that you could pull yourself up by your bootstraps and provide for yourself.

We're so proud of you that we've decided it's time you learned to ride that big "I'm my own sovereign country and don't need anyone" bike without training wheels.  Here's what we're going to do:  We're going to stop sending those economic and military aid checks every year, and we're going to stop spending money to watch you and the Israelis flip each other off in the Sinai.  That way you can look yourself in the mirror and say "If I get my ass kicked by the Israelis again, it'll be on my own terms.  I don't need food, tanks, or training from anyone to get my teeth knocked down my throat in the middle of my own stretch of god-forsaken desert."

That way you can be the grown-up nation we always hoped you could be.  Don't worry, we'll still be here in the event that you decide you need someone to help keep the lights on, or show you how to clean up that lovely canal you got from our European cousins.  Of course, you know you can also call your Uncle China or Auntie Russia if you get in a jam.  I know they'll be just as generous as we have been and won't ask for anything in return.

Good luck!  And remember, part of being an adult is to not annoy the neighbors.  I'd hate to have to burn down your whole country because you can't control your own crazies and someone does something stupid against Americans either at home or abroad.  Like the old running song says "'Cause napalm sticks to pyramids!".

Hugs and kisses,

The American Taxpayer


bluesun said...

"Cause napalm sticks to pyramids!"

I've never heard that one before. D'you have a youtube video I could watch?

Old NFO said...

LOL, you're on a roll today DB :-)

DaddyBear said...

Bluesun - it's a riff on an old running cadence.

NFO - Side effect of feeling like crap.

Auntie J said...

So THAT's why I've been feeling so snarky today. I'm having the same side effect.

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