News Roundup

• From the "That'll Work" Department - The Obama administration has announced that its policy towards Syria is to provide humanitarian aid to those who oppose the Assad regime and to seek political consensus with other countries.  In the meantime, the Syrian armed forces are showing that D-30 towed artillery, BM-21 multiple rocket launchers, and ZSU-23-4 anti-aircraft guns are much more effective than band aids and MRE's at influencing the political process when a civilian populace has risen in revolt.  I have one word for Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton:  Srebrenica.  I'm not saying that the United States or NATO should become directly involved, but we should be pushing the Arab League to put boots and tracks on the ground with our logistical and intelligence support. 
• From the "Beatdown" Department - A young Saudi man was arrested on Wednesday after becoming violent on a flight from Portland to Houston.  He was asked to shut off an electric cigarette, he refused, and the situation spiraled out of control from there.  The man was subdued by other passengers, handcuffed, and arrested when the flight returned to Portland.  This may not have been his first run-in with the law, but I'll bet that he preferred the manner in which he was subdued after leading the police on a little chase over the manner in which his adrenaline hyped fellow passengers power slammed him and forced his compliance at 30,000 feet.
• From the "Broken Record" Department - The government of North Korea has decried South Korea hosting a nuclear weapons conference next month as a 'provocation', and has threatened dire consequences for the insult of its southern neighbor trying to further the cause of peace and stability.  The hermit kingdom also threatened retaliation when South Korea announced that it would be doing some artillery training this week.  In related news, North Korea has decried plans to change the recipe for yakisoba in the mess hall at Camp Red Cloud, planned maintenance on several buses in Pusan, and the fact that no-one has called them to see if they would like to go to the United Nations spring sock-hop.  All of these came with threats of dire consequences, including nuclear bombardment from the new Kim-Jong-Un model of bazooka, unless the activities are changed and North Korea is given a golden ticket to Mr. Wonka's factory and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Fransisco Treat.
• From the "Fricassee" Department - The Pennsylvania lottery commission has decided to retire Gus, a puppet groundhog that has been used to promote the lottery since 2004.  In related news, a new cookbook has been put out by the commission titled "Whistlepig - It's Not Just For February", which explains what they did with Gus.
• From the "Ghost in the Machine" Department - Scientists at CERN have announced that the experiment last year that seemed to show that neutrinos could travel faster than the speed of light was faulty.  Apparently, a loose wire made it appear that the test particle arrived at the target faster than it actually travelled.  I, for one, am disappointed that it was just a bad wire.  My money was on the flux capacitor needing calibration.