News Roundup

• From the "Progress" Department - The Nuclear Regulatory Commission has approved the first license to construct a nuclear reactor in the United States since 1978.  Two new reactors will be added to an existing nuclear power plant in Georgia.  I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of hippies cried out in terror, then were silenced.  The new reactors are scheduled to come online in 2017, but to be honest, I don't expect to see them in this decade.  Beyond the normal overruns in time and money, I'm sure that massive amounts of time and money will be spent in court over this.
• From the "Parents Behaving Badly" Department - A father in Ohio has been arrested for child abuse after putting his three year old son in a running dryer.  Apparently he thought a little time on the permanent press cycle would teach the boy a lesson.  I suggest he be locked inside a dryer for a few hours until he's a nice medium rare.  In related news, a Louisville woman has been arrested after punching her 10 year old child during anger management counselling.  Yeah, because nothing says "I love you" like a black eye.   At least now we know why she needs the counselling. 
• From the "Drug War" Department - Authorities in Mexico have seized 15 tons of methamphetamine in a raid near Guadalajara.  That's mind boggling.  I wonder how many people they had to hire to pop enough Sudafed out of those little cards to make that much meth.  Someone at the Walgreens in Guadalajara has a bit of explaining to do.  It's not like people outside the reach of our drug warriors could get hold of tons of pharmaceutical grade ingredients and then smuggle the finished product across our southern border.
• From the "Valentine's Surprise" Department - A restaurant in Oregon is offering to deliver a "Salamigram" to sweethearts for St. Valentine's Day.  I think this is a good idea, because nothing says "I love you" like smoked meat.  The last time I sent a salamigram to a young lady she..... never mind.