News Roundup

• From the "Good Walk Spoiled" Department - A man in Texas is recovering after his groin was impaled with the shaft of a broken putter during a fight on the golf course.  All you gentlemen may now uncross your legs.  Reports are that his femoral artery was cut, so he's lucky to be alive.  How do you score that?  If his balls were hit once, is that an eagle or a hole in one?
• From the "About....FACE!" Department - President Obama is urging his supporters to donate to a super PAC that goes by the name of "Priorities USA".  This would allow his supporters to donate ginormous amounts of cash to support his reelection bid without bumping up against those pesky donation limits.  I don't really care for that name.  I think the first black president should call his super PAC the "Totally Unaffiliated Political Action Committee".  That way any underhanded dealings by the PAC would be hard to trace back to the president.  Also, something tells me that TUPAC would do really well on the West Coast, a critical region for the president's fund raising efforts.
• From the "Local News" Department - A new company formed from the owners of a successful amusement park has begun negotiating to take over a failed amusement park here in Louisville.  Kentucky Kingdom has failed twice before, including when it was run by Six Flags.   This brings up that venerable question:  How do you make a small fortune running an amusement park in Louisville?  And the answer, of course, begins with "Well, you start with a large fortune....".
• From the "Straw Man" Department - 13 people have been arrested in Texas after being accused of making gun purchases for a Mexican drug cartel.  No word yet on how many of them have ATF "Get Out of Jail Free" cards.  
• From the "Mother of the Year" Department - A woman in Memphis was arrested recently when police found that she had left her children in a running car while she went to have her nails done.  When police were talking to her, she dropped a bag of weed into the car, and police also noticed that one of the small children was holding a loaded handgun and pointing it at the officers.  Wow, that's quite a lot going on.  You've got a woman leaving her kids in the car so she can get her nails done did, a bag of marijuana dropped in the floorboards, and a child with a loaded handgun.  She must have stayed up late at night to think up that much fail.  Wonder what she'll do for an encore?
•