Too Honest for That

We got this in the mail the other day:

One of the local Ford dealerships wants to pay me up to half my purchase price for the Caravan.  As much as I'd love to be rid of that piece of crap, I'm not going to bite.  First, I like not having a car payment, even if I'm about to dump a lot of cash into the POS.  Next, they wouldn't give me anything even close to that once they actually see the DadMobile, so it probably wouldn't be worth the effort. And finally, I wouldn't inflict that pile of junk on my worst enemy unless I knew they were going to set it on fire.  I won't even donate it to the GoodWill because I'm pretty sure they'll spend more getting it to an auction house than they will make from it.

No, my plans for the minivan include Knob Creek, a Ma-Deuce, and as much tannerite as I can afford. Sorry, Mr. Ford Dealer, but I'll have to do you a favor and pass.