Sunday, September 25, 2011


  • To the guy on the Harley who thought it would be a good idea to swerve through traffic on wet pavement tonight:  I'm sorry I had to slam on my brakes so that I didn't turn you into a speed bump, but you gave yourself exactly 6 inches both in front of and behind yourself when you cut me off so you could make it to the right turn lane.  I hope that when you finally get into a real crash and you ride that bike for a few meters on its side, that finger you waved at me is uninjured so you'll have something to guide your motorized chair around with.
  • To the person who stopped by my desk at 10:23 PM on a Saturday night to ask if I was working hard or hardly working:  I hope that all of your children drop out of college to pursue careers in snuff films where I'm sure they'll be glad to see their grandmother more often.
  • To the couple who had a screaming fight at the gas station while I was filling up on the way home:  I really hope that the kids you had in the car use you as a bad example. I would hate for them to think that screaming scatological epithets at each other while getting a tank of gas is normal.
  • To the stoner working the drive through window:  Dude, when I'm buying fast food at 12:05 AM on a Saturday night while wearing business casual attire, I want my soda, my sandwich, and my change.  I do not want to know that it's cold in the restaurant, that your girlfriend is waiting on you at home, and that you get off work in a few hours.  At that hour, I'm not the most social animal, OK?  Cut the chitchat, give me what I need, and let me get on the road.
  • To the construction workers who were doing maintenance on the highway interchange tonight:  Guys, my hat's off to you.  I would have laid money that at least one of the bozo's in front of me using one of y'all as a hood ornament.  It tells me a lot that when I slowed down and got over to give you some room, one of you shouted "Thank You!".
  • To the nice police officer who tailgated me from the highway to my driveway just to make sure I made it home OK:  Thank you so much for making sure I didn't do anything foolish like forget to use my turn signal or speed for the last few miles of my journey home.  I wish you luck as you spend the rest of your evening trolling for real drunk drivers.

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