Monday, September 12, 2011

News Roundup

  • From the "Dumbass of the Day" Department - A man in Los Angeles is under arrest after being accused of putting a fake bomb in a suitcase and then leaving the suitcase on a bus.  While no time is a good time to pull a stunt like this, this weekend was very much in the realm of "not today, dude".  I hope that when he is convicted he is sentenced to spending three days in stocks at the intersection that was shut down so police could deal with his little joke.  Something tells me they'd find pieces of this guy in Tijuana being sold next to the shellacked frogs.
  •  From the "Chutzpah is Not a River in Israel" Department - A heavyset man in New York has sued the White Castle fast food chain because his repeated requests for larger chairs have gone unanswered.  He seems to believe that being overweight is a disability for which the company must make accommodations.  Listen, I'm a wide body myself.  I'm continually fighting the battle of the bulge.  Now I love me some burgers and shakes, but it never occurred to me that I could sue my favorite burger joint for not having booths that I could plop my rotund self into when I'm getting my morning grease burger, large fries, and diet soda.  My suggestion to this gentleman is to either find another vendor of fast food goodness that has wider chairs, or maybe spend the time he would normally take to consume mass quantities taking a few laps in the pool at the YMCA.  You know, people like this make the rest of us fat bastards look bad.
  • From the "In the Navy" Department - A naval base in Virginia is going to be the site for an attempt to break the world record for the number of people doing the "ChaCha Slide" dance at once.  I know this is silly, but the image I have is a couple thousand sailors in their white uniforms dancing in lock stop on the deck of an aircraft carrier.  I wonder if this is part of a new physical training regimen for Naval personnel.  The physical fitness test could consist of push ups, sit ups, and the 20 minute line dance. 
  • From the "Cache and Carry" Department - An Ohio man called the police after he found a box containing bullets and dynamite buried in his yard.  No-one was hurt, and police don't know why someone would bury such a thing.  Apparently at some point in the past, someone passed the "If you have to bury it, you should be using it" decision point.  I'm not admitting anything, but if you ever find a box full of ammo in my yard, go three steps towards the bush in our southwest corner and start digging again.  You might get an early Christmas present.


North said...

Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports and skin dive
Study oceanography
Sign up for the big band
Or sit in the grandstand
When your team and others meet

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on people, and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)

DaddyBear said...

Golf Clap!

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