Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and me and my spouse
Were assembling gifts and cleaning the house
The house smelled of pine and cinnamon spice
A fire was in the fireplace, and it felt really quite nice

The kids had crashed about an hour before
And I had just returned from a run to the store
With her in her robe and me in my sweats
She was dusting something and I was feeding the pets

When out on the lawn there came a big bang
And a moment later the telephone rang
"Hello?" I answered, actually I hissed
"DB?  This is Tony.  You're gonna be pissed"

"Come on outside, I need your help"
"I'm on my way. Keep it quiet, you inconsiderate whelp"
When out on the lawn I saw Tony's truck
And I knew that my night was out of good luck.

Under the Ford was a sled all covered in snow
Eight reindeer milled 'round, watching the show
Santa just stood there, he looked quite glum
Tony just stood there, stuck quite dumb

"What happened?" I said, hoping for the best
"This moron," said Santa, puffing out his chest
"Was doing doughnuts on the ice, and smashed up my sleigh!
And now I'm waiting for a tow truck to take it away!"

"Are you done with your rounds?" I asked, expecting the worst
"Not even close.  This continent was my first."
"Santa" I said, "What can we do?"
"Well, with some help, I think we'll pull through!"

We moved all the bags from the sleigh to the truck.
I explained it all to Irish Woman, and she wished us all luck.
Santa bolted something under the hood
And wouldn't you know it, that Ford flew really good!

We drove 'round the world, with Santa in charge
Delivering presents to houses both little and large
And just as the sun started to rise
I got home with sleep in my eyes

As I opened the door, guess what I found!
An M-1 Garand and a spam can of rounds!
Santa left a note that just said "Thanks!"
All Tony got was half a box of blanks.

So Christmas was saved
I hope you got all that you craved.
To all of my readers, both pro-Christmas and con
Merry Christmas to you, now get off my lawn!


Keads said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Auntie J said...


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