Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Christmas Thought
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
2The same was in the beginning with God.
3All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
4In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
5And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
The Gospel of John, Chapter 1, Verses 1 through 5
Today we commemorate the birth of a small child in a conquered land. He was born in a strange place, far from home and family. His parents were neither rich, nor privileged. He grew up in a small village during tumultuous times, and rose to found a great movement in human history. If you believe in his divinity, he was sent in order to be the sacrificial lamb for the entire human race by a God so forgiving that he gave of his own flesh and blood for that sacrifice, and his teachings are our guiding lights to find our way to his kingdom. If you are only looking for wisdom or guidance, the writings of what he taught show a path of forgiveness, love, and understanding of the lowest of the low among us.
This is the Christmas I celebrate. I thoroughly dislike the tinsel, the shopping, the schmaltzy music, and the saccharine kindness from people who normally would gladly step over my corpse in the street. But a few moments of quiet reading and reflection remind me that underneath all of the dreck that has been heaped on the occasion there is a bedrock of faith and learning that we should remember.
My Christmas is one that reminds me that I am responsible for my brother, and that even a small child born in squalor can rise up to be an example of light to the world.
I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas.
The Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, and me and my spouse
Were assembling gifts and cleaning the house
The house smelled of pine and cinnamon spice
A fire was in the fireplace, and it felt really quite nice
The kids had crashed about an hour before
And I had just returned from a run to the store
With her in her robe and me in my sweats
She was dusting something and I was feeding the pets
When out on the lawn there came a big bang
And a moment later the telephone rang
"Hello?" I answered, actually I hissed
"DB? This is Tony. You're gonna be pissed"
"Come on outside, I need your help"
"I'm on my way. Keep it quiet, you inconsiderate whelp"
When out on the lawn I saw Tony's truck
And I knew that my night was out of good luck.
Under the Ford was a sled all covered in snow
Eight reindeer milled 'round, watching the show
Santa just stood there, he looked quite glum
Tony just stood there, stuck quite dumb
"What happened?" I said, hoping for the best
"This moron," said Santa, puffing out his chest
"Was doing doughnuts on the ice, and smashed up my sleigh!
And now I'm waiting for a tow truck to take it away!"
"Are you done with your rounds?" I asked, expecting the worst
"Not even close. This continent was my first."
"Santa" I said, "What can we do?"
"Well, with some help, I think we'll pull through!"
We moved all the bags from the sleigh to the truck.
I explained it all to Irish Woman, and she wished us all luck.
Santa bolted something under the hood
And wouldn't you know it, that Ford flew really good!
We drove 'round the world, with Santa in charge
Delivering presents to houses both little and large
And just as the sun started to rise
I got home with sleep in my eyes
As I opened the door, guess what I found!
An M-1 Garand and a spam can of rounds!
Santa left a note that just said "Thanks!"
All Tony got was half a box of blanks.
So Christmas was saved
I hope you got all that you craved.
To all of my readers, both pro-Christmas and con
Merry Christmas to you, now get off my lawn!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Dinner Tonight
Ancient Family Tradition for Christmas Eve - Swedish Meatballs
Ingredients:
5 pounds of ground meat (beef, pork, turkey. Tastes good if you use a little from column A and a little from column B). The meat should have a bit of fat to it, as you will need to make a sauce with drippings. I use 80/20 hamburger mixed with ground turkey.
3 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup dried onions
1/4 to 1/2 cup rolled oats
Salt
Black Pepper
1 tsp allspice
Olive Oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium sized white or yellow onion, minced
1/2 pound sliced mushrooms
1/4 cup flour
3 cans beef broth
Finely ground white or black pepper
In a large mixing bowl, thoroughly combine meat, eggs, milk, dried onions, and oats. Add salt and pepper to taste, along with the allspice.
In your largest saute pan, heat enough olive oil to barely cover the bottom, then add the garlic and onions. Saute until the onions are clear and soft. Shape the meat into 1 to 1 1/2 inch meatballs and brown in batches. When meatballs are browned, put them into a shallow dish and place in a warm oven. When you are cooking the last batch of meatballs, add the mushrooms and cook until the mushrooms are done. Scoop out all of the mushrooms, meatballs, and onions you can into the shallow dish and keep in the oven.
In the saute pan, which should have a good amount of fat and liquid in it by now, add the flour and whisk until the flour is completely absorbed. Continue cooking over low heat until the flour mixture has become a light brown. Add the broth and season with the pepper to taste. Continue cooking over low heat and stir until the sauce is smooth and thick.
Add in meatballs, mushrooms, and other tasty bits and stir together gently.
Serve over rice, pasta, or mashed potatoes. Goes well with lefse or fresh whole wheat bread and your favorite winter vegetable.
Ingredients:
5 pounds of ground meat (beef, pork, turkey. Tastes good if you use a little from column A and a little from column B). The meat should have a bit of fat to it, as you will need to make a sauce with drippings. I use 80/20 hamburger mixed with ground turkey.
3 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup dried onions
1/4 to 1/2 cup rolled oats
Salt
Black Pepper
1 tsp allspice
Olive Oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium sized white or yellow onion, minced
1/2 pound sliced mushrooms
1/4 cup flour
3 cans beef broth
Finely ground white or black pepper
In a large mixing bowl, thoroughly combine meat, eggs, milk, dried onions, and oats. Add salt and pepper to taste, along with the allspice.
In your largest saute pan, heat enough olive oil to barely cover the bottom, then add the garlic and onions. Saute until the onions are clear and soft. Shape the meat into 1 to 1 1/2 inch meatballs and brown in batches. When meatballs are browned, put them into a shallow dish and place in a warm oven. When you are cooking the last batch of meatballs, add the mushrooms and cook until the mushrooms are done. Scoop out all of the mushrooms, meatballs, and onions you can into the shallow dish and keep in the oven.
In the saute pan, which should have a good amount of fat and liquid in it by now, add the flour and whisk until the flour is completely absorbed. Continue cooking over low heat until the flour mixture has become a light brown. Add the broth and season with the pepper to taste. Continue cooking over low heat and stir until the sauce is smooth and thick.
Add in meatballs, mushrooms, and other tasty bits and stir together gently.
Serve over rice, pasta, or mashed potatoes. Goes well with lefse or fresh whole wheat bread and your favorite winter vegetable.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Geek Christmas Carols
Yeah, I'm finally in the mood. Not the Christmas mood, just a mood.
Jingle bells, UNIX smells
Windows laid an egg
The mainframe it just vapor locked
But the VAX is A-OK!
I'm dreaming of a white laptop
Just like Jobs used to sell
With a one button mouse
It costs as much as a house
But it goes with black turtlenecks so well!
The users called me
The network is down
They can't surf their pr0n
The network is down
The tech is on his way
The network is down
Email jokes can't be sent!
The network is down
Network is down
Network is down
Silent NOC
Happy NOC
No alerts
No drama
Reading a novel
And eating take-out
Hoping my shift
is quiet no doubt
Keep my board clea--ar
Ke-ep my board so clear
Just see those servers crashing
And hard drives thrashing
Oh joy!
This is a great profession
for someone with a pain obsession
Oh boy!
Jingle bells, UNIX smells
Windows laid an egg
The mainframe it just vapor locked
But the VAX is A-OK!
I'm dreaming of a white laptop
Just like Jobs used to sell
With a one button mouse
It costs as much as a house
But it goes with black turtlenecks so well!
The users called me
The network is down
They can't surf their pr0n
The network is down
The tech is on his way
The network is down
Email jokes can't be sent!
The network is down
Network is down
Network is down
Silent NOC
Happy NOC
No alerts
No drama
Reading a novel
And eating take-out
Hoping my shift
is quiet no doubt
Keep my board clea--ar
Ke-ep my board so clear
Just see those servers crashing
And hard drives thrashing
Oh joy!
This is a great profession
for someone with a pain obsession
Oh boy!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Today's Earworm
Frosty the Snow Ghoul
Frosty the snow ghoul
Was a slushy, slimy guy
With a mouthful of teeth and a carrot nose
And murder in his eye
Oh Frosty the snow ghoul
Was undead as he could be
And the legends say
He could laugh and slay
Little kids like you and me
Down through the village
With a war axe in his claw
Swinging here and there
All around the square
Feeding children into his maw
Choppety chop chop
Choppety chop chop
Look at Frosty swing
Choppety chop chop
Choppety chop chop
That evil undead thing
There must have been some magic
In that Mosin Nagant I found
For when I tried to cycle the bolt
I was able to load a round
Oh Frosty the snow ghoul
Melted in the fireball
So we collected his axe
And we nailed his hat
Up on the city wall.
Frosty the snow ghoul
Is a curse upon the land
So say your prayers
And always walk in pairs
For his return may be at hand!
Friday, December 16, 2011
PSA
To all of the merry people of the earth:
I, DaddyBear, am officially Christmas'ed out. I no longer wish to participate, at least for the rest of this month. I will be wearing headphones until January 6 to drown out the schmaltzy Christmas songs. I am going to keep my head down and not make eye contact with people so that I won't have to smile absently as they wish me a Merry Christmas.
I will, however, be doing my best to make sure that I do not contaminate anyone else with my Grinchiness. I plan on getting both what little Christmas shopping I plan on doing don as well as retrieving the Christmas arboreal zombie so that my family may dress its corpse up with tinsel and glass balls this weekend. I will put on the ugly Christmas sweater that I wear every December 25 and do the rounds to see family. Because I have children and do not want them to know just how much I loathe this time of year, I will put on the false smile and try to guide them away from the more psychotic side of Yuletide.
And the next yokel who tries to convince me that I should attend his/her place of worship so that I don't make the baby Jesus cry* is going to have the sharp end of their Santa hat shoved in one ear and pulled out the other.
Hope to see all of you safe and sound on the other side of the madness.
Sincerely,
DaddyBear
*That is neither a joke nor is it hyperbole. I have had two people tell me that the baby Jesus will cry if I do not attend church with them at Christmastime this year. My suspicious side leads me to believe that there is a brochure or something that tells them how to get under my skin.
I, DaddyBear, am officially Christmas'ed out. I no longer wish to participate, at least for the rest of this month. I will be wearing headphones until January 6 to drown out the schmaltzy Christmas songs. I am going to keep my head down and not make eye contact with people so that I won't have to smile absently as they wish me a Merry Christmas.
I will, however, be doing my best to make sure that I do not contaminate anyone else with my Grinchiness. I plan on getting both what little Christmas shopping I plan on doing don as well as retrieving the Christmas arboreal zombie so that my family may dress its corpse up with tinsel and glass balls this weekend. I will put on the ugly Christmas sweater that I wear every December 25 and do the rounds to see family. Because I have children and do not want them to know just how much I loathe this time of year, I will put on the false smile and try to guide them away from the more psychotic side of Yuletide.
And the next yokel who tries to convince me that I should attend his/her place of worship so that I don't make the baby Jesus cry* is going to have the sharp end of their Santa hat shoved in one ear and pulled out the other.
Hope to see all of you safe and sound on the other side of the madness.
Sincerely,
DaddyBear
*That is neither a joke nor is it hyperbole. I have had two people tell me that the baby Jesus will cry if I do not attend church with them at Christmastime this year. My suspicious side leads me to believe that there is a brochure or something that tells them how to get under my skin.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Grinch Who Stole Kimchi
The Who's down in Seoul-ville
Liked Christmas a lot
But the Leader up in Pyongyang
Certainly did not
He stood there in his gray suit
With his hair a foot high
He was a short, roundish thing
A really foul tempered guy
He stood there grinching, sipping his brandy
And snacking on caviar
His lackies kept handy.
"They're hanging their lights"
He grinched in Hongul
"It makes my people think
That I'm a big fool"
"Why for decades now
I've put up with their crap
My dad tried to stop them
But he got a pimp slap.
I've torpedoed their ships
and shelled their bases.
I'd love to take those Christmasy smiles
From their faces!"
Then the Leader got an idea
An awful idea
The Leader got an evil, awful idea
"I know just what I'll do"
Said the Leader with a smirk
"I'll rattle my saber and act like a jerk"
So he woke up his mouthpiece,
Who was shivering with cold
And the mouthpiece got on the horn
And did as he was told.
"The running dogs of the South must stop their fun
Or we will make them stop with the barrel of a gun.
Their food, their light, their warmth, their freedom
We'll blow that all up if they don't cease 'em."
His saber well rattled, his ego well stroked
The Leader was feeling really quite stoked.
So he retired to his castle, far from the Who's.
He just settled in for his winterly snooze.
The Who's, you ask?
What did they do?
Well, in Seoul-ville that day,
So the old people say,
They launched another video game to play.
So no-one heard the Leader grumping
And didn't hear the empty war drum he was thumping.
So in his hermit kingdom he will continue to rot
And the Who's will think of him not!
Liked Christmas a lot
But the Leader up in Pyongyang
Certainly did not
He stood there in his gray suit
With his hair a foot high
He was a short, roundish thing
A really foul tempered guy
He stood there grinching, sipping his brandy
And snacking on caviar
His lackies kept handy.
"They're hanging their lights"
He grinched in Hongul
"It makes my people think
That I'm a big fool"
"Why for decades now
I've put up with their crap
My dad tried to stop them
But he got a pimp slap.
I've torpedoed their ships
and shelled their bases.
I'd love to take those Christmasy smiles
From their faces!"
Then the Leader got an idea
An awful idea
The Leader got an evil, awful idea
"I know just what I'll do"
Said the Leader with a smirk
"I'll rattle my saber and act like a jerk"
So he woke up his mouthpiece,
Who was shivering with cold
And the mouthpiece got on the horn
And did as he was told.
"The running dogs of the South must stop their fun
Or we will make them stop with the barrel of a gun.
Their food, their light, their warmth, their freedom
We'll blow that all up if they don't cease 'em."
His saber well rattled, his ego well stroked
The Leader was feeling really quite stoked.
So he retired to his castle, far from the Who's.
He just settled in for his winterly snooze.
The Who's, you ask?
What did they do?
Well, in Seoul-ville that day,
So the old people say,
They launched another video game to play.
So no-one heard the Leader grumping
And didn't hear the empty war drum he was thumping.
So in his hermit kingdom he will continue to rot
And the Who's will think of him not!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
More Christmas Carols
Last year this time, I put up a few of my crooked Christmas carols. Here are a couple more:
Not exactly a Christmas song, but fun to sing anyway. This one goes out to my Viking ancestors:
This one has more of a Kentucky feeling to it:
Not exactly a Christmas song, but fun to sing anyway. This one goes out to my Viking ancestors:
Burn the village to the ground,
Doo dah, doo dah
Spread the fire all around
All the doo dah day
Let it burn all night!
Let it burn all day!
I put my loot in the bottom of the boat,
Now let's row out into the bay.
This one has more of a Kentucky feeling to it:
See them resting, see them rollingAnd finally:
Marked with distiller and date
In the barn
There's shelves full of whiskey
Barrels sitting, whiskey aging
Giving angels their share
And in every tavern you'll hear:
Maker's Mark!
Maker's Mark!
It's bourbon time in Kentucky
Sip a nip, pour and drip
Soon it will be Bourbon Days!
We'll be boned for Christmas
Obama is making it so
With deficits and hissy fits
He's ensuring our economy won't grow!
Christmas Eve will find him,
Plotting collapse and strife
Ye, we'll be boned for Christmas
Paying taxes our whole life!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Christmas Geekery
For those of you who speak in geek, here are a couple Christmas time goodies for you:
The Perl Advent Calendar
The SysAd Advent Calendar
Just trying to warm the souls of the greasy mechanics of the information age. Nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like a little perl spiced with a bit of OS tinkering.
The Perl Advent Calendar
The SysAd Advent Calendar
Just trying to warm the souls of the greasy mechanics of the information age. Nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like a little perl spiced with a bit of OS tinkering.
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