Wednesday, August 10, 2011

An Open Letter


Dear Yuppie Bastard,

I am the person who parked his, as you so succinctly put it, "piece of crap nasty ass minivan" next to your brand new Mercedes sports car this evening at the grocery store.  I must say that I disagree with your assessment that I parked right on your door, as I was able to open my door and get in with no issue while you stood on the other side of your German road machine and ran your mouth.

I can understand your frustration.  It's been a rough time economically, and it must be hard to make those monthly payments on your car.  I can tell things are a little tight because you couldn't afford to buy a whole dress for your lovely daughter, who was accompanying you this evening.

You know, now that I think of it, she may not have been your daughter.  Oh yes, she looked to be about half your age, but I may have seen a gigantic rock of a diamond ring on one of her fingers, so she may be your latest trophy wife.  I couldn't be sure, as I was distracted by the two cantaloupes that were bolted to her chest and were barely covered by the two or three scraps of cloth she was wearing.

The doctor who did that boob job for her must have been the same one who did your hair plugs, because I've seen corn fields that weren't as neatly lined up in nice regimented ranks and files as the tufts of hair growing on the very top of your head.

I'd like to extend my apologies for putting my minivan within sight of your convertible, and will endeavor to avoid doing so again in the future.

Good luck with your mid-life crisis!

DaddyBear

8 comments:

PISSED said...

Im going out on a limb here.. but Im amazed he didnt need a dentist...
I hate people like that...

DaddyBear said...

I was actually more amused by his behavior than angry. People who try to get their 20's back when they're in their 40's or 50's are comical.

And ridicule is better than assault any day.

PISSED said...

DB.. you have alot of patience.. what an ass he must have been, acting all cocky in front of his GF. He had no idea who you were, or what you might have done. Just because he had a mercedes and money? I would have taken your approach as well and then asked the girl what she was doing with such a loser.. hehehhehe :)

Borepatch said...

I owe you a beer or three for this.

bluesun said...

I don't think you parked close enough. Just think, you could have repainted the side of your van the same shade as a Mercedes!

North said...

Does she have a sister?



:-P

Jay G said...

DB,

Please, for the love of all that's good and wholesome, tell me that after he went into the store you pissed on his door handles...

DaddyBear said...

Spoken like a true NorthEasterner Jay.

No, I ran into this fine example of American manhood on my way out of the store, and he was still standing there when I drove off. No opportunity to mark my territory.

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