Sunday, March 13, 2011

I Am So Disappointed

The headline on Fox News read "Star Wars School for Kids".   The story discusses a martial arts academy in Chile that is cashing in on Star Wars fandom.

But what ran through my mind in the moment it took for the page to load was a Star Wars themed boarding school.  In my mind's eye I saw a glittering Jedi Temple for the school house and the Ewok village for dormitories.  J.K. Rowling meets George Lucas.

Imagine the faculty:

Principal - Yoda, who else?
Vice-Principal - Darth Vader.  Seriously, who's going to act up in class when your school enforcer eschews the "Board of Education" for the "Force Choke of Education"?
History and Civics Teacher - ObiWan Kenobi, paired with Padme Amidala
Philosophy and Ethics Teacher - Quai Gon Jin
Math and Technology Teacher - Han Solo.  He's the only character in the entire series who took the time to calculate his FTL jumps and has more than enough experience in the care and feeding of very fallible technology.
General Physical Education - Chewbacca.  He won't make you do laps, he'll just tear your arms off.  You will climb that rope when a 7 foot tall hairy carnivore is roaring at you from the bottom.  Also, he could be the Shop Teacher
Swim Coach - Admiral "It's a Trap!" Akbar
Math Teacher - Mace Windu.  "Say "Square root of negative 3" one more time and I will Force Push you through a wall!"
School Security - Boba Fett.  He could use that wrist rocket/lanyard thingie to catch rule breakers before they can run away.
Languages teacher - C3P0
Janitor - Jar Jar Binks
Maintenance - R2D2

Can you see the cover of the brochure?  "Give us your three year old, and we'll give you a highly trained 18 year old ready to apply to any Ivy League university while choking out the competition"

What other things do thing such an institute of learning would have?

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