News Roundup

• From the "Makes Sense" Department - The place kicker for the University of Michigan has admitted that when he makes a kick, he doesn't think about the kick.  Instead, he thinks about brunettes.  Makes sense to me.  When I'm doing something important, I think about brunettes and redheads.  Or when I'm doing something that isn't that important.  Let's face it:  If I'm conscious, I'm thinking about brunettes and redheads, and I'd estimate that I'm thinking about them at least 50% of the time I'm unconscious.
• From the "Mother of the Year" Department - A Massachusetts mother summoned police to her home to arrest two of her five children for fighting.  Apparently her spawn had been bickering all day, and she just couldn't take it anymore.  Funny, my mother had five kids who fought constantly, and she never called the police.  She self medicated a bit and then imitated Carlton Fisk with dimensional lumber, which always seemed to calm things down a bit.
• From the "Fuzzy on the Rules" Department - An assistant bishop of the diocese of Los Angeles has resigned because he had a secret wife and children.  You know, there are some pretty simple rules for being a Catholic priest.  The one that immediately comes to mind is celibacy.  Either these kids are the second coming, or someone's got some explaining to do.  
• From the "TWA Coffee" Department - A woman in China gave birth to a healthy baby girl about halfway into a two hour flight recently.  Flight attendants assisted her in the delivery.  I understand that after being born, the baby was taken up to the flight deck and asked about gladiator movies.  The little girl has been named "Angel", but my sources tell me that the name "Bulkhead" was considered, but discarded as being too cruel.  In related news, several first class passengers on the  flight demanded extra frequent flyer miles because of excessive noise on the flight and a shortage of hot towels.