Friday, January 13, 2012

News Roundup

  • From the "Father of the Year"  Department - A Louisville man was arrested after his three children told their teachers that their father gave them baggies of stuff to carry to school and the teacher discovered that the baggies contained drugs.  The man came to the school before he found out his little ruse was unravelling and asked to speak to his kids alone.  My guess is he wanted to be able to get out of the house clean and pick up his amateur pharmaceutical supplies from his unwitting mules.  Just goes to show that you don't need to prove you know how to be a good parent before you start hatching children.
  • From the "Reinforcing Stereotypes" Department - Authorities in Sweden report that levels of some drugs went up in the water of a river during a reggae festival.  It is believed that the increased levels of drugs such as ibuprofen come from revelers using the bushes instead of portapotties and the runoff ending up in the river.  This tells me that Swedish scientists aren't testing for the right drugs, because I have a hard time believing that reggae festival goers used ibuprofen as their favorite pharmaceutical.  Although, if you've ever listened to reggae for more than an hour or so, you can understand why they needed pain relievers.
  • From the "Practically Chicken" Department - A man in Orlando is under arrest after authorities saw him try to strangle a swan and carried the bird around by the neck.  I have it on good authority that swans are quite tasty, so I can understand why the gentleman wanted to catch his own fresh, organic poultry. However, doing it at a public pond usually gets the neighbors talking.
  • From the "Pissing in the Wind" Department - A video showing several U.S. Marines urinating on the dead bodies of Afghani insurgents is making the rounds and has drawn condemnation from both the Afghan and American governments.  If the term "HEADDESK" just went through your mind, congratulations.  Rule number one gentlemen:  Don't be F***ING stupid.  One question:  Where was the leadership?  Why didn't an NCO see what these guys were doing, make them stop using the most direct physical and verbal intervention strategies available, then make sure that no-one in the unit did something just as dumb, like post video of it to the bloody internet?
  • From the "Holes in the Shield" Department - A security research firm has announced that a piece of Chinese malware has been used to try to gain access to military networks through the smart cards used as part of the identification process on those networks.  No reports yet on whether or not the trojan attack was successful, but that sound you just heard was General Keith Alexander's soul screaming loud enough to set off the fire alarm.
  • From the "Brilliant!" Department - Mercedes Benz is apologizing for using an image of Che Guavera during a presentation at CES in Las Vegas.  Apparently using the image of a mass murdering Communist didn't trip any editorial trigger when the presentation was created, reviewed, practiced, re-reviewed, and finally approved by legal and marketing.  Coming soon:  Pictures of Chairman Mao to sell ice cream, a new campaign showing Stalin holding a tablet computer, and now that we are starting planning for grilling season, a campaign showing Idi Amin eating a hot dog.
  • From the "Medical Mishaps" Department - A crew of medics transporting a heart to a hospital in Mexico City for transplant had a heart stopping moment when one of them tripped and dropped the organ onto the street.  Doctors were still able to use the heart, and the patient is reported as doing well.  And some good will come of this: It might help to keep the recipient well grounded.  No matter how far up he or she goes in society, their heart will still be in the street.


bluesun said...

Why didn't Mercedes just use Hitler? Same warm fuzzies, but more applicable to a German company?

DaddyBear said...

Because they didn't want to Godwin themselves. I'm sure old newsreels of Nazi staff cars make them cringe.

Julie said...

unfortunately it seems that two of the marines demonstrating their stupidity were NCOs :( ....

TinCan Assassin said...

Sorry, I disagree. It's the enemy. I don't care if they poured bacon grease on the bodies right after pissing on them. I have no sympathy. ANA guys, maybe. Ostensibly our allies. Insurgents? Piss on 'em all you want. Fight us and you will NOT go to Paradise. It's not like we are gonna win the Taliban's heart and mind unless we stuff and mount it.

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