News Roundup

From the Soft Underbelly Department - South Korea is accusing their communist cousins to the north of intermittently jamming GPS signals during recent military exercises.  This apparently caused some cell phones and other equipment to lose their ability to find their position on the earth.  No word on how many young lieutenants are still unaccounted for after having to fall back on their map and compass skills.

From the Cetacean Rescue Department - 22 melonhead whales were recently saved after beaching themselves in eastern Japan.  Unfortunately, a further 30 whales perished after becoming stranded in shallow water.  Having been called a melonhead a few times in my life, I can understand the need to just beach yourself sometimes.  In unrelated news, McDonalds restaurants in eastern Japan have announced a trial offering of their new McMoby sandwich.

From the Fly the Friendly Skies Department - An Australian flight attendent is under investigation after allegedly locking a toddler in the overhead bin during a recent flight.   In related news, an Australian flight attendent has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for finding a way to cut down on the noise level on flights.

From the No Need for a Cup Department - Mattel's Ken doll, long a fashion accessory for their wildly successful Barbie collection, has turned 50.  Ken will apparently be investing some of his hard earned cash from the past 5 decades in hair plugs, laser hair removal, a new tattoo of a snake being eaten by an eagle, and a blue sports car that is distinctly different from the Dream Corvette.

From the Muddy Waters Department - A spear fishing crew in Florida reports that their catch was attacked by a large shark, possibly a great white, while they were hauling it on board their boat.   After seeing the shark, they retrieved their diver, who was unable to see the shark.  When asked why he did not see the shark when all three of his companions did, he remarked that for some reason the normally crystal clear waters of the Florida coast became quite cloudy when he heard there was a large shark in the same water as him.

From the New Fish Department - A group of scientists in Brazil have identified a new species of catfish, the jaguar catfish.  They picked this name due to the similarity between the markings of the fish and the famous cat species.  The fish was found at the bottom of a tributary of the Amazon, and is believed to have been preparing strings of beads to take with it during its yearly pilgrimage to Rio for Carnival.