Friday, July 29, 2011

What she said versus what I heard

The scene: The interior of a minivan
The time: Lunchtime
Background: The family has just walked through half of the Columbus Zoo, and has decided to go back to the hotel for a while to relax and cool off.

DaddyBear - How about we go through the drive-through and get something for lunch?
Irish Woman - Sure
Teenager at Burger Joint Inc. Franchise # 1234191923B - Hello, welcome to Burger Joint! How may I help you!
DaddyBear - Yes, I'll have a #2 combo with a Diet Coke, please. What would you like, Irish Woman?
Irish Woman - I'll have a #5, with no mayonaise or ketchup.
DaddyBear - OK, we'll have a #5 combo with nothing on it. What would would like to drink, dear?
Irish Woman - I didn't say I wanted a combo, I just want the sandwich. And I don't want it with nothing on it, I just don't want ketchup or mayonnaise.
DaddyBear - Twitch, Twitch. I'm sorry, scratch that #5 combo. We'll just have the sandwich that comes with it without any condiments, please.

As heaven is my witness what I heard the second time was

I want a bacon cheeseburger made with beef ground this morning from a cow that was raised eating only the sweetest clover and alfalfa. It must have been a black and white cow, and have listened to Swedish yodelers piped in at least twice daily.  I want the cheese to have been made from the milk of a Hungarian jungle yak, and have been aged at least 4 months but no more than 6. And the bacon cannot be smoked with applewood, it must be smoked using virgin Brazilian cherry logged by indigenous loggers. The pigs must have been fed on corn harvested in southern Mongolia, and should have been bred after the sow listened to Barry White. Also, I want organic tomatoes, onions, and lettuce gently placed on my sandwich. And I want all of between two pieces of fresh, ungarnished Parisian baguette, baked by monks who were sworn to silence during the Nixon administration.

I swear, Irish Woman is a living saint.  She puts up with me and my hellions, but she is the pickiest eater I've ever seen when it comes to any kind of sandwich.  It's a good thing I love her so much.  The bad thing is, the kids are starting to order their food in the exact same way.


Shepherd K said...

Ah, the hint of deja' vu is refreshing. Has she ever told you she "says what she means and means what she says" by chance?

Weer'd Beard said...

I think my wife is a picky eater, but also I'll eat whatever I can find under the couch cushions, so its relative...

Old NFO said...

LOL- You're in for it... :-) And yeah, you're blest...

WV- Blest (I kid you not!)

Shannon said...

I'll have what she's having.

DaddyBear said...

Shepherd - Why yes, I have heard that particular phrase on occasion.

Weerd - I'm the same way. Maybe that's why this gets on my nerves.

NFO - Oh yes, I'm very blessed. She has the patience to deal with me and not kill me or become a raging alcoholic.

Shannon - I'm sure if I were to look hard enough, I could find a restaurant that would make something close to that recipe.

Ruth said...

My baby brother'd drive you nuts.... For that matter o would I. Lol!

PISSED said...

Irish Woman sounds like a keeper ;)

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