Thursday, July 14, 2011

Good Ideas

Today, we have a round up of ideas from the headlines that make me do a face-palm or head-desk maneuver, whichever comes to mind first:

  • A 9/11 survivors group is being kept out of the commemoration of the 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center due to a lack of space.  The reason given is that the ceremony will be primarily for the families of those who perished in the attacks, but it seems a little callous that some slots can't be freed up to allow at least a few of the people who were actual witnesses to the attacks in.  Here's an idea for Mayor Bloomberg - How about we dis-invite the local imams, a few of the hack local politicians who skulked in basements while survivors were digging at the ruins with their bare hands, and maybe even a couple of the media darlings who showed up in starched shirts and fresh shaves once the all clear was given?  Maybe then the people who actually deserve to attend can be there.
  • The European Union is suggesting that they should take over the job of combing through banking records looking for the money used to fund international terrorism. Because, you know, they're so good at keeping track of money and all that.  Oh that's right.  We childish Americans can't understand the subtlety needed to know that when Farukh Ali bin Badguy is spending 1 million dollars euros on Bulgarian "chocolates", he's really setting up a shop in Rotterdam for cheap confectionaries, not planning on massacring innocent women and children in Sandusky.  Our bad, sorry.
  • A group in Michigan is promising to hold a book burning if a tax measure on the ballot is not approved.  Funny, I thought those kind of tactics were only found in Illinois politics.   This is the Michigan version of "Sit down or the bunny gets it!".  Hopefully the tax measure will pass, these cretins won't re-enact some of the more lurid scenes from the Nuremberg rallies, and everyone can be happy.   
  • An 'artist' in the Ukraine plans to spend 35 days locked in a cage with a lioness, with occasional visits from a male lion.  He hopes to use this to raise money for his personal 'mini-zoo', and seems excited that the lioness will be giving birth while he's in there.  Yeah, nothing can go wrong here.  There's nothing an apex predator like an African lioness enjoys more than having a hairless ape poking his opposable thumb into her delivering cubs.  Heck, she'll probably even let him babysit the cubs while she practices her creeping, pouncing, mauling, and dismembering skills post-partum.  This may be a win-win.  The guy gets some press, and in the worst case scenario, his zoo doesn't have to buy any Purina Lion Chow for a couple of days.
  • Yet another town in America has gotten rid of all their crime and fixed all their problems.  They must have, because a town in Illinois just passed an ordnance that makes it a crime to wear low-hanging pants.   Hey, I think a guy walking around with the crotch of his jeans between his knees looks stupid, but don't we have anything better that we could be doing?  If someone complains to the police because some gangbanger wanna-be has the waistband of his BVD's showing above his shorts, then the officer can make a judgement as to whether or not the person in question's appearance is an example of public nudity.  If so, there's probably already a law on the books for that.  If it's not, then file the idiot with the droopy drawers away for disdain and get on with your life.

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