Wednesday, July 20, 2011


  • To the lady in the doctor's office today with her son:  There was no need to thank me for asking the receptionist to switch the television from CNN to Disney.  I've been in your place, and I know how hard it is to keep a munchkin from losing it in a non-munchkin environment.  Plus, I got to read my book in relative peace while I waited for my appointment.
  • To the geriatric hippie driving the smoke belching VW van on the highway today:  Thank you for keeping the mosquitoes down along I-64.  I am truly impressed that you are able to keep that POS on the road at all, but if your top end is 45, maybe you should try taking side streets.
  • To the lady in the Walmart checkout this afternoon:  I suggest the use of mace and shock collars to keep your brood of 7 children in line at the store.  If you're not willing to do so, I'm pretty sure I can get volunteers.
  • To the two young men who were behind me in line at Walmart:  Guys, you were pushing a cart full of pudding cups, Dolly Madison cupcakes, beef jerky, and Mountain Dew.  You weren't fooling anyone by trying to act straight while giggling like fiends and smelling like the inside of a bong.  Thankfully, I don't think you were driving, because you dragged along a girlfriend, who seemed to be sober.
  • To the sober young lady with the two stoners:  I'm so sorry about your situation.  I'm sure you could do better.
  • To the lady in the Walmart parking lot wearing the pink business suit:  Maybe if you smacked the young man you were walking into the store with, who I assume was your son, a few times, he wouldn't walk around with his pants down around his knees, wear a ball cap for a basketball team halfway across the country cocked 45 degrees, have a sleeveless tee shirt with a vulgar picture and saying on it, and words carved into his purple hair.

1 comment:

bluesun said...

"...and Lord, please keep me from looking like those people on the 'People from Walmart' website. Amen, and amen."

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