Thursday, July 28, 2011

Military Ranks Explained

Colonel

  • Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound
  • Is faster than a speeding bullet
  • Can fly higher than a mighty rocket
  • More powerful than a locomotive
  • Gives policy guidance to God
Lieutenant Colonel
  • Must take a running start to leap over tall buildings
  • Speed compares favorably with a speeding bullet
  • Can fly as high as a B-52
  • Can wrestle a train to the ground for two out of three falls
  • Talks to God

Major
  • Can leap over short buildings
  • Not quite as fast as a speeding bullet
  • Only flies as high as a C-130
  • Loses Tug of War with locomotive
  • Listens to God

Captain
  • Runs into the building while trying to leap them
  • Can shoot bullets, sometimes accidentally hits target
  • Has trouble getting off the ground
  • Knows what the underside of the train looks like
  • Talks to animals

First Lieutenant
  • Can occasionally find the door to a building, usually attempts window first
  • Not issued ammunition
  • Walks with no assistance
  • Can identify a train two out of three times
  • Talks to posters on the wall

Second Lieutenant
  • What's a building?
  • Has a good time with a super soaker
  • Walks with assistance
  • Likes to wave at the choo-choo
  • Has a wonderful vocabulary that was learned from Sesame Street

Sergeant
  • Kicks building out of the way and keeps on going
  • Catches bullet, chews it to bits
  • Flies higher than then angels
  • Inspects locomotive, chews caboose
  • Is God

2 comments:

Joshkie said...

On an aside, can I be in your green eyed devils club with you?

:-D
Josh

MrG's said...

I like, hehehe as a vet I see that as accurate and hilarious.

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